There, I said it. I hate Covid and so many of the things that have changed because of it.
I DESPISE wearing a mask, but do it willingly when I need to and if I can't be 6ft away from others. I avoid all stores as much as I can and thankfully Jim doesn’t mind doing the lion's share of our shopping and errands. I find masks hot and itchy, hard to breathe in and my glasses get fogged up and I can’t see anything! Plus I don’t have great hearing so I find I really struggle now that I can’t read people’s lips like I now realize I used to do a lot!!
But you know what I’ve found bothers me the most about the masks...not seeing smiling faces. 😢 I know people smile with their eyes too but it’s just not the same and after almost a whole year of mask wearing everywhere I just feel really sad when I go places and can’t see people’s faces. I am so over it and I feel like this will be our life forever now and I feel bitter and angry about it. I don't see an end in sight and that is hard for me right now, with case numbers climbing every day, more restrictions coming in again, and my biggest fear is if they close the schools again. That will be a game changer and I know we will survive just like we did last year, but I also know it won't be pretty either. They keep assuring us that won't happen, but until they walk out that door to school on April 7th I'm not overly confident. There is a funny meme about that floating around FB about being worried about spring break because last year they never went back!
I feel the most terrible for the things that Covid has stolen from my kids (family dinners (and hugs), sports, birthdays, friends, playdates, travel) and for the overall societal perception of how the virus affects all of us. Kennedy is about to turn 4 and has now spent 1/4 of her life living through this. She doesn't remember what life was like before last year, and that's really sad to me. And for the boys, there is anger and upset about what Covid has taken from them and it's hard to tell them to not be angry, when I feel that anger too sometimes.
We are lucky that here in PR the restrictions haven't been felt quite as acutely as they have in other areas and I am very grateful for that. Our kids up to now are still in dance classes, they got to practice hockey all fall and winter, and fingers crossed some form of a baseball practice season is being planned right now. BUT, they are all also facing their second Covid birthday in a row and I am so sad about it as their big days approach over the next 6 weeks. Both Jim and I turned 40 with no parties, no planned Mexican vacation, and almost no opportunities to be celebrated. We are both well loved and our family and friends did of course make us feel special on our days, but it was certainly not the birthdays we thought they would be.
The new restrictions brought forward yesterday brought a new level of sadness to my world and I feel like somehow I was in denial that this was coming. I have grown to really love yoga and the weekly classes I take at Coast have become some of my favorite hours of the week. I know I can do online yoga and will definitely try it, but I am feeling bitter that Covid has robbed me once again. I am feeling that fatigue that so many people are experiencing and just really hoping for better days and weeks and months ahead. I long for the days of no masks and hugs and lots of smiling faces. I try hard to not live long in my unhappy thoughts and move on from them as quickly as I can. I'm teaching myself every single day how to live as a better human being than I was before all of this stuff happened.
I also work hard to see the positives in that we are all still healthy and happy and the sun is shining here again this week. We both still have our jobs and are both still working and busy with volunteering however we can. I'm walking as much as I can, going to the beach, playing lots of crib together, sleeping more than we used to, and just overall living a healthier life than we did. We are way less busy than we used to be and we enjoy the quieter pace of life. That's not to say that I don't look forward to the days that I can be back in the kids school helping out and making a difference again!
To end this post on a high note...I have discovered one thing that I don’t hate about Covid and what it has done to our world...and that thing is the new ME 😊 I am really proud of the work I've put in to becoming a better me.
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