How much longer will he want to spend quality time with me?

I've always heard that once your kid turns 14 that it's all bets off and they don't want to be anywhere near you. I sure hope that's not true and that this handsome guy continues to want to go for walks with me on rainy days. After school yesterday he asked if he could come with me for my walk and we ended up having a great half hour together. 

Yes he still holds my hand, and yes I have his permission to post this photo too :) 

He's such a sweet boy and sure loves his Mama. He promises me that he will still like me when he's in his teens so I'm going to keep this post and show it to him a few years down the road :) 

Spending quality time with my middle

My Jordie boy is such a middle child, in every sense of the word. He is my quietest guy, he demands by far the least amount of attention, he is the most obedient one, he complains the least, he is the easiest going of the bunch (just like his daddy), and he just loves me through all the chaos of our life. 

He cherishes alone time with me whenever he gets the chance and his favorite thing to do together is play games. Our favorite up to this past week was the card game Kings Corners, but other ones he likes are checkers, Battleship and Uno. Last weekend we taught him how to play Ticket To Ride and he is hooked! Earlier this week we got KJ to bed early and James was still at baseball so we sat down to play a round and he absolutely kicked my butt. I really enjoyed this quiet time with him to just chat and to watch him carry out the strategy that he had learned the first time we'd played it on Saturday. This kid is a smart cookie and a very quick learner. So much like his daddy in so many ways! 

Pretty darn proud of himself! 

I love you so much Jordie boy and I hope you want to continue to play games with me for many many more years to come! 

When your 10 year old asks you to hold him close and snuggle him, you absolutely ALWAYS say yes!

 A few weeks back James came up to one evening after the littles went to bed and asked me to snuggle him, literally he wanted to crawl onto my lap and cuddle me. The kid is massive but of course I said yes. We laughed and giggled so hard and my heart just about burst. This kid loves big and I am so grateful that at just about 11 he still loves his Mama so very much and wants to be held and snuggled. How did I get so lucky to be this kids Mom?! 

Keep being you James, all of you! And keep asking to snuggle for as long as you physically fit on my lap. You are growing by the day it seems and your eyeballs are getting closer to mine every single day! It won't be long until you are taller than me and your wish to hug with your arms above mine will come true. Until then, know your role and I get the top hug spot :) 

James said I was wrong

He said that my post saying that he didn't want to be in pictures wasn't true, it's just that I don't ask him as often anymore as I used to. I suppose that's probably true, and mainly because when we do things as a family or me with the kids he's usually off doing something away from me. Whether that's playing hockey while I'm with Kennedy at the playground, or far away from me at the beach, or whatever the case may be. But he wanted me to put it here on this blog that he is NOT against me taking or sharing his photo on here. So he willingly smiled for this cute start of spring break selfie with his Mama. 

Another reason why he isn't in as many photos...he is always on some sort of electronic every single chance he gets! This is a typical James pose these days. Playing on the switch :) 

Also a typical cheesy pose I get when I do ask him for a photo! 

The other thing this kid spends his time doing....EATING and DRINKING everything in sight! Lord help us when he actually hits the teen years because it's already shocking how much he can eat at not even 11 yet :)  YIKES! 

I love you my sweet Jamesy boy! Keep smiling for your photo happy Mama and remember your promise to me that you will always be nice to me, even when you hit those awful hormonal teen years! 

5/5/5 Challenge

I saw a version of this on Coast Fitness's IG page and it inspired me to do a new blog post. I love when I see something that inspires me to write and express myself and hopefully jump starts my creative juices into some new blog posts. 

What I Love to Do
1) Document my life. My kids always ask why I take so many pictures, and man I hope one day they appreciate having them and don't look back and think I missed out on things because I was too busy taking pictures instead of living in the moments with them. This last year I've worked hard at putting my phone down and being in the moment more and realized how much I enjoyed it. I still take a ridiculous amount of photos, but in the last year I've done more than I ever did before! 

Here I am, participating rather than documenting. This was a fun idea of a new way for Jordie to practice his spelling words for the week. He LOVED this time with me and I loved the time with him too. Make the time to do silly stuff that makes them happy and makes them smile. Those are the moments they will remember.

Big truth moment here. I deleted this photo several times before deciding to share it. It's not a flattering picture of me and for a split second I thought that someone might look at it and think "ew, why would she put that up there" but I did what I tell my kids to do...forget what others think and do what makes you happy. So I'm sharing the photo of my back fat covered in my son's spelling words for the week, and my daughters scribbles, because I'm hopeful years down the road they will read this post and be proud that I shared it, because I am proud of me for fighting the demons inside that tell me I shouldn't. This photo to me holds memories of laughter and a fun moment with my kids, and THAT is what REALLY matters! 

2) Be social and talk to people. Covid has been hard on the extrovert that I can be. I love connecting with people (over a cup of tea is my favorite way) through shared experiences and conversations about our lives. I so miss those moments and I really hope that one day that will again be a big part of my life. I can't wait for this pandemic to be under control and we can all go back to our (new) normal lives that will include not wearing masks and finally walking in stores and being able to see smiling faces again! 

3) Enjoy quiet alone time. This is a new thing for me over the past 10 years. Becoming a mother changed me in so many ways! 10 years ago I would have never wanted to be alone for 24 whole hours, now I crave even 24 MINUTES of quiet alone time. 

4) Yoga. I started in the fall of 2019 and it has truly changed my life. I am stronger physically and my body doesn't hurt in the same ways that it did before. It brings me peace and calm and happiness. I find myself having the urge to move my body in ways that I never would have before, and the feeling of being stretched out and relaxed has helped so much with my mental health. 

I don't look overly happy in the second photo but the truth is I was the most content and relaxed that I had been in a long time. These photos were taken on the deck of the tiny home where I escaped for a weekend after my birthday. It was at times a sad weekend for me filled with some hard thoughts and some deep regrets for some things that had recently happened, but also a real shift for me in trying to figure out what the next part of my life was going to look like and how I was going to make me happy.

5) Hugging and snuggling. I've always been very affectionate, and thankfully my hubby and kids are all that way as well so if I ever want someone to fill that need for me, there are always willing participants for a couch or bed snuggle! I didn't realize how much I liked hugging those around me until the world told me I couldn't do it. Once in awhile I sneak in a hug when I can with those that also feel comfortable connecting these days in that way. 

Exciting Desires of Mine
1) Become flexible enough to comfortably touch my toes. This popped into my head tonight at yoga and while I proudly acknowledge how far I have come in the last year, I know I have a long way still to go to reach what I now know in my heart is a realistic goal! It might a 5 year goal, but it is realistic and it can be done and I am determined to make it happen.

2) Get back into reading for pleasure. That would mean way less screen time and social media...and a considerable amount of willpower to actually put the book down and go to sleep. It's a big reason why I stopped reading years ago, once I pick up a book and start reading I just can't stop!

3) To be able to comfortably walk long distances. I am more in shape than I have been in years but have a really long way to go. The 13km walk around Inland Lake is my 2021 goal. 

Over the past month I've made a real effort to get out as often as I can, even if it's just for 20 minutes on my lunch break. The seawall is a new favorite spot for me and with views like this I see many more walks there in the coming months. Fun fact - for YEARS we never walked down there. We always chose the beach trail instead but this past 2 months has changed that. It's minutes from our house and is seriously one of the most beautiful areas of PR!

4) Become a more engaged mom - more reading and playing, less screens for all of us! 

5) To truly realize my worth. I want to spend quality time with and energy on people who really want me in their lives. I've had a lot of friends in my life, but few that have stuck around through the hard times to get through to the good times! I feel like 40 is going to be my best year yet, because I am determined to live my life in a more positive and happy way than I ever have before. 

Things I'm Grateful For
1) My relationship with Jim. We've fought very hard to get to where we are and I am more proud of us than I've ever been. We walked through hell to get to the place we are now and I am grateful for the work we've both put in to really make our marriage work.

2) The love and devotion of my kids. Those 3 love me for ALL of me. The good mom and the bad mom moments. There is no shortage of hugs and kisses and couch snuggles in my world. I am proud of the humans they are growing into and I can't wait to see the bonds that I have with them when they are adults.

3) The ability to laugh - at myself and at others too. I have a great sense of humour and am surrounded by funny humans. We laugh a whole lot in our house, about random stuff and tough real life stuff too. You can't take life too seriously! 

It's stuff like this that I love that I capture in my funny world with my funny humans! Here are my two silly brown eyed boys connecting via a FaceTime chat while dad was stuck one night on Texada recently. It shows their similarities in looks and personality, it shows a dad's love in that he never misses a chance to call and connect with them, and it shows the sometimes mundane parts of life made fun!
I think I'll love this photo forever 💕

4) My moms and dads. I am very lucky to have 4 parents that love me and my crazy crew unconditionally. Always there to support us and listen, and help out however they can with raising our kids.

5) My health. My early and mid 20's were full of sickness and a Crohn's disease diagnosis that rocked me (and Jim) into a whole new world of medications and hospitalizations. I am grateful that for the most part over the past decade that my disease is relatively mild and doesn't cause me daily grief. I hope that with my decision at 30 to have surgery was the right one and that the disease stays largely in remission for many more years to come. I am working hard at exercising little bits every day and am very hopeful that it will help with my long term overall health.

** These kinds of post make my heart happy, both to write and to go back to and read down the road. Thanks to you if you made it through the whole thing **

Little love notes from my sweetest middle child

A few years back one time when Hads and Kins were here with us in the morning w were looking through agendas and I saw that D wrote in them every morning. Sometimes it was just to tell them where they were going after school and sometimes it was just an I love you note. That very day I decided I would do the same, and I've now been doing it for the past 2 years. 

Jordie learned to read really early so even at the start of Grade 1 he could read my notes. By Christmas time last year he was even replying to them too, which of course made my heart soar for many reasons. I've snapped a few photos since then of some of our exchanges and every time I need a little boost I know exactly where to look.

Jordie boy, you are so very sweet to your Mama and I hope you always will be! 

This was from yesterday and made me tear up when I read it after school.

 And one for Daddy too. Often on afternoon shift weeks then Dad takes on the agenda writing. Moon back was how non-speaking toddler Jordie said I love you. 

This week he was on a roll and replied almost every day to Jim and I's notes

Seriously so glad I snapped these photos along the way. 

These are the memories that I want to keep forever and are the reason I have this blog in the first place! I hope years down the road my kids appreciate the ability to click on their name and see hundreds of posts about them as kids (and hopefully teenagers if they allow me to post about them!)

And just for fun...here's toddler Jordie saying moon back (it's a fave video I have of him)

What are you telling your big kids about Covid-19?

We may be all smiles on tonight’s walk but let me tell you that on the inside I’m not smiling and I can sense from my big guy that he isn’t either. I know he’s worried about the corona virus and how serious it could get and he’s terrified his beloved Nana or Papa will get it, or Grandpa Barrows in Nanaimo, or Grandma and Grandpa in Mexico. I’m trying to keep it light and explain we need to do our part to isolate at home the best we can (while both Jim and I are still working outside the home as well too) and try to reassure him that we will be okay and as much as in my heart I truly hope that’s the case I’m also terrified it won’t be. 

So tell me, what are you telling your big kids, and little kids for that matter, about the coronavirus and the unprecedented times that we are in right now? 

My heart is so full of love and gratitude for my life

As I was driving from Tim Hortons to the kids school today I was hit with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for the life that I live and the fortune that I feel at being able to be a big part of my kids school lives. My involvement in the PAC has been very intentional and eventful over the past almost 5 years (how has it been that long already?) I love what the PAC stands for at the school and what we give to the kids and the opportunities that our fundraising brings to the kids. I am honored to play a leading role as an executive member of the PAC and I just wish so many more parents could or would find the time to join and see how much fun it is to be able to contribute to something in such a meaningful way.

I was also struck with thoughts of gratitude for the flexible work environment I have where when I have a day that I don't have daycare that I am able to switch my shift to accommodate the needs of my family. I appreciate my coworkers daily for the understanding that they all have of the importance of my kids and my schedule. Yesterday I was only able to work till 11:30 due to babysitter scheduling, but when I realized it was on Pink Shirt Day and I would be able to spend a few hours at the kids school I was so excited!

Each month the PAC gives away a prize or prizes to kids in the school for different things. This month it was kindness. We were at the meeting last week and trying to decide what the prize should be and rather than give it to just a few kids, or one class full of kids, I suggested that we buy Timbits for the whole school!! It was met with a resounding yes and I ran with it. 

Here is 800 Timbits (2 for each student, EA, and teacher), plus of course gluten free brownies and cookies and vegan fruit snacks too! We couldn't have kindness day and not have something for EVERYONE!

At the end of the assembly when Ms. Behan told the kids to come to the kitchen to grab the Timbits I was thrilled to get to see the smiles on the kids faces. The gluten free kids were so appreciative that they weren't forgotten and had something there that they could have too. But I don't think anyone was as excited or happy as the little vegan girl that came in with the HUGEST smile on her face and so many thank you\s for thinking of her and getting her her favorite fruit snacks. My heart literally almost burst for how happy that one small gesture had made her.

At the end of the day while I was walking on the playground I had at least 10 kids that recognized me from the PAC that ran by and yelled thank you for the Timbits. And I had a very kind teacher that sent me a video she had made of her class saying thank you to the PAC too. But the best of all was one of the little gluten free girls coming up to me to say thank you for getting treats that she could eat. It made me feel amazing and I could feel the tears welling up behind my eyes.

I left the school that afternoon after an amazing two hours playing on the playground with Kennedy and helping make beaded necklaces in Jordie's classroom, with such a happy heart for the blessed life that I am able to live.

Now here's some more fun pictures of the day! When everyone is dressed in pink it definitely calls for some extra photos.

Here is KJ walking Gloria from next door.

And playing in the sunshine at the school in her bright pink kindness shirt

She's growing up too fast now and I can't believe she's going to be 3 in just over a months' time!

Matching with Mama

Had to sneak in some snuggles and a photo with one of her favorite big kids at the school!

We had the Doxsees with us after school today too so I had to snap this photo of this handsome fellow with his awesome pink shirt day shirt! 

This one was straight up MISERABLE at swimming lessons today and this was clearly why. She was exhausted from her very busy day and fell asleep in my arms while we waited for Jordie to get changed.

Now home and time to snap some pictures with this beautiful little lady.

Aaaawwww....I love this photo of me and Katelyn so much. She's such a pretty little girl, on both the inside and the outside!

And of course Kennedy had to be in the photo too!

And now for some photos of me and my monsters in our variety of pink shirts!

It was an awesome night for picnic dinner of pancakes and strawberries in front of Frozen 2

These are my favorite photos that I shared to IG and FB too!

Truth Tuesday - I didn’t want to but I did anyways

Tonight after supper I spent two hours decluttering and reorganizing my en-suite bathroom and throwing out half the junk that has been in there for years. After finishing the bathroom I got the two littles to bed and then as I was in my bathroom about to get ready for bed myself, James came in to see me. He picked up my phone from the dresser and said “hey mom, can I take a selfie of us?“ In that moment all I wanted to do was say no....I felt frazzled, tired, and just plain cranky and awful. My hair was frizzy, the bags under my eyes are big and dark and I just didn’t want to say yes, but then I realized that these days where he wants to have his photo taken with me are probably coming to an end in the near future so....I took the picture.

Is it the best picture of us? Not even close. But do I love it just the same because he asked me for it? Absolutely yes!

As I am making positive changes in my life I’m trying to see myself the way my kids see me. It’s not easy for me and I struggle especially to see the beautiful woman that they see me as. I’ve always felt very plain Jane and have never been viewed or commented on as a pretty girl. Earlier tonight Jordie grabbed my phone and asked me if he could take a picture of me by myself but again I was feeling tired and haggard and not very picture worthy so I said no. His reply to that was “but mom, I always think you look like the prettiest lady in the world” My heart melted and I told him that was nice of him to say, and now reflecting back on that moment, I wish I had said yes to letting him take my photo. When James asked me a short bit later about taking a selfie together I realized how important it was to take the photos that they ask me to take because in that moment they are trying to connect with me and they are seeing my worth far more than I can. I always love when I learn something new from these beautiful little humans I created. I am such a lucky mama to have them and I do know how lucky they are to have me too. I have my downfalls for sure but they will NEVER grow up wondering how I feel about them. They have always known, and will always know, how much I love them and will always have their backs!