36 weeks - 9 months

To celebrate this last pregnancy I really wanted to have a fun photo shoot when my belly was the biggest it was likely to get. So I talked to my bestie photo friend Jenn about doing a 36 week photo shoot for me that I felt would really just be me and the belly. I wanted to have my hair in pig tails, no make up and I even went and bought some cute new pink polka dot PJ's (which I would have never normally worn before). I am so grateful to Jenn for always being open to helping me to get the photos that I dream about...and these were no exception. Some really cute photos were captured that I know I will cherish forever.

I'll start this last belly post with photos of the belly and the Build-A-Bear that Tyanna and Cody got for baby girl. They named her Ruby and I love her and can't wait for the first picture of baby girl with her on the day she's born! Tyanna has now bought all 3 of the kids bears for their  monthly photos and I love how special that is for our kids.

These PJ's are really so comfy and I can't wait to rock them at the hospital!

How are we already just days away from meeting our little girl?

I didn't love the K photos we took in the studio a few weeks ago so we tried again with a bigger belly and some adorable little ladybugs that are going in her nursery. I felt like the other one was missing something, but these ones are perfect (must be the ladybugs!)

And the most adorable little pink shoes that matched my PJ's perfectly!

I love this photo so much because this is just so ME! I look exhausted (because I was) and I just look so normal with my pigtail braids, no make-up, squinty eyes and bags under my eyes. It's truly a photo I know I will love forever and a moment I will remember too. It is exactly what I wanted. 

When I sent these photos to Tyanna she even commented that she really liked them because they were so very me. She said the other ones didn't look as much like me because I don't usually dress up like that very much. :)

I wasn't sure I'd share these next few photos but then decided "to hell with it...I look cute in them!"....so I am sharing them only in this post. I wanted to be brave and step out of my comfort zone a little bit (or at least the best you can while in a bra and feeling huge at 36 weeks pregnant) and I'm proud that I did it.

This one shows how strange my belly button looks to me. With the boys my belly button went completely flat but this time it's got this weird bump thing at the very top that feels like a weird little hernia type that can be pushed in and out. I don't know whether it's because I only gained around 15lbs with this pregnancy but for whatever reason it's just really different this time. And I don't feel like I spread out as much with this baby, she seemed to be all just little basketball in the front. I can't wait to see how big she ends up being!

And another silhouette showing off the biggest belly! 

The baby shifted just seconds before this photo was taken and she was pushing out so hard (which I think is why my belly looks so huge in this photo!)

HUGE thanks to Jenn Parkin for the amazing images that she has captured for us during this pregnancy. I can't wait to see (and share) the gorgeous newborn photos that I'm sure we will capture too!

Messages to our baby girl

Daddy's Message

Hello baby girl, this is Daddy. I'm just packing my bag to begin the final leg of this wonderful journey. I am so excited. I can't wait to finally meet you and see what you look like. See if you have lots of hair to explain mama's heartburn. What color it is, your eyes, your ears. I can't believe we are finally going to meet you, I'm so happy. You are already so so so loved, not just by me, but everyone, especially your two brothers. You're in for a treat, let me tell you. I sure hope you have a big personality because you're going to need it with these two. I suppose we shall soon see. Love you lots and I'll see you soon. Bye.

Mommy's Message

Hello little lady! I can't believe that in just a few short days you will be here and in my arms and in my heart forever. It's been a long 9 months since we found out you were joining our family and I wish that when I found out you were coming that I had been more excited and less scared but since finding out you are a girl my excitement has grown each and every day. I can't wait to meet you and form a bond with you that I know will be unbreakable. The past 4 months have been really hard for me and many times I sat and talked to you and told you that together we would get to that operating room safely and that we will both make it out of there alive too. I love you so much already and I can't wait to see your beautiful little face, snuggle you tight and never let go. 

The love that your brothers have for you is incredible already and I am so looking forward to the moment that they meet you for the first time. James loves you like crazy and is going to be the very best big brother in the whole world and Jordie will smother you with kisses and hugs and tell you every single day how much he loves you. They will protect you and take care of you and will always be there for you, just like Daddy and I will. 

Speaking of that Daddy guy...I give it less than a month before you have him wrapped completely around your little finger. He was always meant to have a little girl and I can't wait to see the hair styles you give him and the nail polish he lets you paint on his nails, but I also know he will teach you to wrestle and beat the crap out of anyone that gives you any trouble (including those big brothers of yours). I hope you are a great combination of him and me, but I do hope you get my ears and his nose. I am not so secretly hoping you come out with red hair as this is our last chance for our little ginger. I'm so curious who you will look like...will it be me? Or Daddy? Or your brothers? Will you have tons of hair...or absolutely none at all? 

I promise to always love you even in the rough teenage years when I am in my 50's (wow, Mommy is old already!) and you will be challenging I'm sure...if you are anything like me and your Daddy. I hope you are an independent and spirited little girl that doesn't hesitate to tell people what you think and to stand up for yourself. I hope you always have the courage to be exactly who you are meant to be and I hope that Daddy and I can do you proud and raise you up to be the best little girl and grown woman that you can be. Love Mommy

James & Jordie's Messages

I had hoped to type out some short messages from the boys to their sister...but then realized these kids are true Barrows and they are Jim & I's kids and neither of their messages were brief. So instead, I and will share the full videos below (as well as some highlights I managed to pick out from the rambling!) :)

James

Highlights include:

"Hi baby sister, I'm your biggest brother James"

"I would really like to teach you when you grow up about the rules of hockey, and soccer, and all the sports that I know and play"

"I really hope you are cute when you come out and really recognize my voice"

"I hope that you will have green eyes...."

"I would also like to help you with your math when you have homework to do"

"3 sleeps till you come baby, I can't wait for you to come"

Jordie

Highlights include:

"Hi baby sister"

"4 more sleeps and then you're gonna come out"

"I want to sing her a song, the song me and Nana sing (the I Love You Song)"

Mommy: What are you most excited about her coming?

Jordie: "About her being a girl"

Mommy: Who will she look like?

Jordie: "A girl...she's going to look like you Mom"

"She gonna have blue eyes like you and James cause she's a girl and you're a girl..."

"She gonna have pretty hair, and pretty dresses, and pretty stuff to play with....and she's gonna have pretty shoes"

Mommy: Are you gonna let her play with your toys?

Jordie: "Of course, so I don't have to play by myself, then I will get to play with my baby when she comes out"

"I'll tell you and baby right now....uummmm I don't remember, oh wait I remember, I love you and thank you."

How will your life change after the baby comes?

I anticipate many changes when we are home and starting to get settled into our new life together as a family of 5. I know the first few months will be rough because I've done this two times before, but I also know that the first time that little lady smiles at me and laughs at her brothers it will all be totally worth it. I said before deciding to have a third child that I wasn't feeling very challenged and I knew I was up for the busyness that would come with another baby and I am really looking forward to it to be honest with you. I love being busy and I can only imagine what life will be like when she's in school and has her own activities to get to along with the boys activities. It's gonna be crazy...and hopefully I'll love every second of it like I do already.

Is the nursery ready to go?

It's kind of ready, but certainly not as done as I would have liked it to be, but with the last month being very busy and me being very tired I just didn't have it in me to really focus on it. The important things are done and the rest of the decor type stuff can be completed once we are home. She is going to sleep in our room in a bassinet for a few months anyways so I'm not too concerned about it. Once it's all done I'll make sure to share photos of it because I'm already so proud of the work that we've done on it and can't wait to show off the final products we've created (or will create!). For now I'll just share a few little sneak peeks (most of which were already on Instagram). 

I wanted this design but figured we had run out of time (and I was out of energy and patience) so had resigned myself that they would just be red and black with polka dots. Then my mom bought us some adorable ladybug chip clips and when Jim saw them he said he could copy the design onto the stools. He spent a few nights (and early mornings) getting these things done before baby came. Aren't they adorable?!

Clothes are all put away and ready for little lady's arrival home. This was pretty much the only thing that I knew I HAD to get done in order to feel okay about being ready enough, and once this was done I felt so much more content and nested.

Pictures printed and framed but not quite up on the walls yet!

And of course I loved the photos so much that this was a priority to get done too, although actually putting them up didn't ever hit the top 10 of the most important things to get done. This will definitely get done when we get home and are recovering. It's something I can sit in the chair in her room and feed her while her Daddy does the hammering!

My final pregnancy update and thoughts about baby girl's delivery!

I saw something similar to this on FB awhile back and wanted to share it, but the wording on that one was something about going into labour, and at this point that isn't going to happen so I decided to use one of the maternity photos Jenn took that I didn't share previously and just make my own announcement instead :)

I promised you all one more update after I saw the doctor at 34 weeks and had the MRI, so here it is!

So back on March 23 I had my Ultrasound and MRI at Royal Columbian and my final office appointment with Dr. Ubhi. I went down there hoping to get some answers and realized quickly with the way the day was planned that that most likely wouldn't happen.

My MRI was scheduled first for 11am and let me tell you two things 1) it is NOTHING like they make it seem on Grey's Anatomy and 2) it was one of the most miserable hours of my whole life. I thought it was a short little test where they put you inside this tube machine thing, snap a couple of pictures like an x-ray and then you're done. Nope, not even close...imagine being 34 weeks pregnant, with a sore back and hips already, then having to lay with a full bladder (which they told me I didn't need but then wouldn't let me pee when I said I had to), on your back, with your arms above your head, breathing rhythmically, and not moving at all.....for more than 45 minutes! It was pure hell and by about 20 minutes in I could feel myself starting to panic a little, and not at all because I was feeling claustrophobic (that part was fine because I could look above me and see the ceiling outside the machine), but because the ache in my back was so bad all I wanted to do was cry out. Then after 45 minutes they pulled me out and made me lay there another 5 or so minutes while they checked to see they got all the pictures. Thankfully I didn't have to go back in because I think if they'd said I had to I would have burst into tears right then.

When we checked in for the MRI and let them know that I was scheduled to have an ultrasound a few hours later they said they would try to sneak us in early for that appointment, which was great, except for the fact that we had planned to go and eat in between the appointments and possibly tour the maternity ward too. So instead I came right out of the awful MRI and was tired, cranky, very sore and still had to pee and then headed straight to the ultrasound department...where I proceeded to sit for almost an hour and a half more (remember still with a full bladder from 2 hours prior)! I was still lucky enough to get in 45 minutes early but by then you can just imagine the mood I was in. I was about as "hangry" as I've ever been! Luckily Jim went out to refill the parking meter (again!!) and grabbed some Cheezies from the van so once I had a handful of those I was feeling a bit more pleasant! The ultrasound went fine, but I did have a bit of a meltdown after the technician said she couldn't see baby's gender because the baby's legs were closed. I know we've been told it's a girl and I was all good with that...until I read the u/s reports while I was waiting for them to call my name.

Yup, to say I panicked a little after reading this would be an understatement! This report was from my 20 week ultrasound...gender is "likely" female. All we could do was laugh but my heart did sink into my stomach a little bit. But really it doesn't matter, he just better love ladybugs! :)

Oh yeah and then I read this one...from our Women's Hospital appointment at 24 weeks (where the ultrasound technician did actually tell us it was a girl!)...but still not super comforting, especially the part about sex determination by prenatal ultrasound not being accurate (which of course we know)! 

Everything else on the ultrasound was great, especially the estimated weight of just over 6lbs which was considerably bigger than we were thinking she would be already. Heck that was bigger than I thought she would be at birth (which at that point was still more than 2.5 weeks away). Dr. Strydom did caution me though that those weights and size estimates can be quite inaccurate in late term ultrasounds due to it being hard to see and measure the baby completely accurately. They also said she had a big head that was measuring at 39 weeks already (thank god she isn't coming out THAT way after all!) There was some peach fuzz on her head so we're pretty confident that she will come out with some hair, but whether it will be as much as James had is still to be determined! It was great to see her one last time and know that the next time I was in the hospital it would be to deliver her (or so I thought at that time...more on that in a minute!)

After the ultrasound we left the hospital, snuck in a very quick sandwich at Subway (because I was about to kill someone if I didn't eat something soon) and then headed down the hill to the doctor's office. We waited almost 45 minutes to see Dr. Ubhi but once we got into the room with him we were both relieved to be meeting with him. Jim got to meet him for the first time and thought he was as wonderful as I've been saying he is for the past few months. And I was very pleasantly surprised to hear that he thought they would probably let me stay awake for the delivery after all because he stated that it was what would be best for baby as apparently babies born under general anesthetic can be quite groggy and have a harder time recovering as well. He indicated that as soon as they delivered her and he got a look at my uterus and the placenta he would know immediately if the hysterectomy was necessary and if it was then I would get to sneak a peek at the baby and then would be put to sleep for the remainder of the surgery. I would then recover in the recovery room before being allowed to go up to maternity to be with Jim and baby girl. While this is disappointing, I am fully in agreement that I will do whatever I need to in order to survive this surgery, even if that means that in the end I do have to be asleep for the whole thing. Now that there is a little bit of doubt in my mind about baby's gender, it might even be exciting to wake up and have the question answered of "is it really a girl after all?" :)

Another thing that Dr. Ubhi went over with Jim and I was who all would be in the delivery room and what they would be there for. He indicated that first the anesthetist would come in and would put in either the spinal or general anesthetic. Next would be a urologist who would come in and put in a catheter and stents on my kidneys to protect them (the potential is there for the placenta to be attached to the kidneys or bladder). Then the radiologist would come in and insert these balloon things via a syringe in my groin area up to the blood vessels near the uterus. These balloons would be there in case they do need to do the hysterectomy and if they do then from what I understand (which might be very little) they will inflate the balloons and that will restrict he blood flow to the uterus after her delivery which will hopefully limit the amount of bleeding I will have from the removal of the uterus (and whatever repairs need to be done to other organs that the placenta may be attached to). Then the last guy to the party will be the wonderful Dr. Ubhi who will deliver baby girl and hand her off to the pediatrician who I'm told will only be in the room for a few minutes to check over her. Then hopefully I'll see her and then will go off to sleep for the rest of the surgery and baby and Jim will head up to the maternity ward (if baby is healthy) and wait for me to wake up a few hours later. 

So, lots of information to take in, but it made me feel so much better to know the plan and who all I could expect to see and meet in those moments. Our next step at that point was to schedule a pre-admission appointment at RCH to do blood work, meet with a nurse to answer questions and then meet with the anesthetist who will make the final decision about whether I will be awake or asleep for the duration of the surgery. The Dr. said they may have required me to go to the city sometime this week (3rd-7th) for this appointment but we were hopeful that they would make an exception and let me have this appointment on the 10th instead. The week after I got home I got the call from RCH and they did thankfully allow me to have this appointment on the 10th at 12:45pm so we don't have to make an additional trip down. We had always planned to travel down on the 10th, but now we are leaving PR on Sunday the 9th just so we aren't having a ridiculously early morning and a long day on the 10th.

When I went to see Dr. Strydom last week she said she hadn't gotten the MRI report yet, but then today when I saw her one last time I asked her if she had seen it and what it said. She said she had and that the report indicated that it was highly suggested that the placenta accreta is present, which I think means that the MRI pictures show that the placenta has definitely grown into the wall of the uterus. Now we just wait to see what the anesthetist says on Monday and we go from there. I am fully mentally prepared (and if I'm being honest I'm actually hoping) that they do the hysterectomy. If I'm already going to have to recover from the surgery, with an incision going from my belly button down to my public bone I'd be really happy to not ever have to deal with a period again in my whole life. I even told the doctor that I might be a little bit disappointed if he does end up just having to cut my tubes instead but I also know they will only do the hysterectomy if it is medically necessary :)

We are so close now and we've been SO LUCKY to not have run into any of the major placenta previa bleeding complications that COULD have happened that I am just feeling so grateful and ready to meet my little lady, even if that means hours after she is born. I still of course want to be awake, for both me and Jim (because if I'm asleep he's not able to be there either!) but if the Doctor says he feels it is safer for me not to be, then I will accept that and move on. I am choosing to focus on the hours after I am awake and I get to meet her and the boys get to meet her. I can't wait to see the looks on their faces when they walk in and see her for the first time. 

It's been a long and hard few months since our 20 week ultrasound and I can't believe that as of tomorrow I will be 36 weeks pregnant already...and only 5 days away from our daughter being born. I have spent many a night awake and thinking about things I shouldn't be, but I feel like I'm coming out this end of the pregnancy with such an appreciation for what my body has accomplished and the wonder and joy that pregnancy truly is. I've been more scared and worried than ever in my whole life but with some love and support (and lots of talking things through with some people really close to me) I feel like I'm in a great place mentally to be facing this huge surgery. I no longer deeply fear that I won't survive but can admit that I am still very much aware of the risks that are coming along with it as well. I know the risk of massive blood loss is there but also know they will have a big supply of my blood type on hand and will even be using a blood recycling system that will cycle my own blood back into me if needed (pretty neat the way Dr. Ubhi explained it!) I am choosing to be positive and tell myself every day that all will be fine, even though I am also realistic about how hard the recovery will likely be. It was a very hard place to get to, but I'm super proud of myself for forcing myself to get there, even if mainly it was for my own sanity! I am very lucky that with the support of our family and friends I know we will get through those first few weeks and hopefully from there it will be smooth sailing for the new Barrows family of 5! 

This whole experience has made me so fortunate to live in a country with extraordinary medical care that has given me all of the answers to my questions up to this point and that even caught this complication at all. Many many years ago these things wouldn't have been captured because they didn't do ultrasounds and if you lived in a small town like PR that wasn't used to dealing with these kinds of complications the results could have been disastrous. I am extremely grateful for the care that I've had with Dr. Strydom so far and I have great faith in Dr. Ubhi's abilities to get both me and baby girl safely through this delivery. We were talking with my aunt and uncle a few weeks ago and joking about how expensive a surgery like this would be if I lived in the United States and I can only imagine how stressful that must be for families down there. And I'm also very fortunate to have great coverage through my employer that will help pay for the private room I'm really hoping I get while I'm in the hospital! :) 

I'm sure after baby girl is here and we are home and settled in I will do a birth story blog that will have pictures of her and will tell the story of how she ended up joining our family. If you have me on FB or IG I'm sure you will see pictures of her long before that though!

Thank you to all those that have followed our journey up to this point and have sent all your love and prayers our way. We have made it so far and the end is so close that the excitement is building day by day for her arrival. Every day the boys and I talk to her and I sit quietly and just feel her move inside my belly, knowing that soon I will never again feel that feeling in my life. I am ready for the adventure of raising another baby....but I am NOT looking forward to not sleeping again! Wish me luck that she is a good sleeper like Jordie was! :) 

How to decide on baby girl's name?!

So about a month ago Jim and I decided on a name for our little girl....bought the letters for it...and now we're just not sure anymore! I was sure I knew what I wanted to name her, but now with just less than 2 weeks to go I just don't know anymore if I love the name like I thought I did. I do know I want a K name for her, but I'm just not sure which one I like the best now. 

So...for now, she remains nameless and we're going back to our original plan of waiting until she's born to truly decide. And if we go with a different name than what we thought we wanted...then I guess I'll return the letters and be thankful that I didn't go through all the work to paint them and decorate them the way I have planned to. 

I've also given up on getting her nursery finished before she arrives. I'm going to work my way through things in the next 10 days and hope for the best, but as long as her bassinet is ready and her clothes are put away in her closet, then I think we'll be doing alright. Her diapers and coming home outfit are packed in her diaper bag, her bear from Auntie Tana is ready for her first day photos, and her car seat is by the door and ready to be installed in the van. Everything else can wait :)

12 more sleeps until this bump is gone forever and I am finally holding my daughter in my arms!

My favorite maternity photos ever!

That's a tough one for me to say because the maternity photos that Jim and I had done in my first pregnancy I do still love...but these ones are just so much more amazing to me because they show the whole family that Jim and I have created together in our 14 years together.

They are special because they include our boys, and maybe a little extra special too because they have our daughter in them too. I'm not saying that if this baby was another boy that I wouldn't have done maternity photos, or that they would be any less than these ones are...but I can easily admit that these feel really different to me and I'm not totally sure why. If you'd asked me 2 weeks ago what I was thinking of for these photos I was feeling very undecided and unsure and just really wasn't into even doing them, even though I knew I wanted them for the memories. This pregnancy has left me feeling so blah and not pretty at all.  Even though my belly isn't as big as it was with the boys, I think I just felt really different during those pregnancies than I do now and I can't explain why that is. Maybe it's true what I've heard that for some women their daughters just steal their beauty completely during their pregnancy. And for a girl who doesn't usually ever feel that pretty, I've been feeling especially un-pretty lately!

I woke up on the morning of our tentative outside shoot and really didn't feel like putting the outfits together, doing my hair and makeup or even really smiling...but Jim basically told me (in as loving way possible) to suck it up because we were going to do them anyways. He said I wasn't going to magically feel better the following weekend (which was supposed to be crappy weather again) and I wasn't going to magically be more into it as the weeks went on and I got bigger and closer to delivery (and risked a complication and missing doing the photos all together!) The weather was looking to cooperate so he told me to text Jenn and set it up, so I did...and I'm so glad she was still on board for that day!

Once we got out the door and started the shoot I knew we were going to capture some great shots that I'd be really happy with. And in the end my expectations were FAR exceeded with what Jenn created for us. There are many that I love, and some that I know I will cherish and remember forever.

Here are my favorites from our outdoor shoot that was done on Sunday, March 19 when I was 33 weeks and 3 days pregnant.

Love this picture...but I do wish Jim had remembered to put his wedding ring on! :)

My loves and I

Love this one of me and James!

Wow, can you say growing up too fast?

So much cuteness

This is the face I see whenever he wants to kiss the baby!

My adorable brown eyed little boy seems so big these days now that he's about to become a big brother.

Outfit #2...I like this one of me and Jimmy!

Location #2 - I think this might be my favorite of me and the boys together!

LOVE this one so much! We look young and skinny :)

Outfit and location #3 - My favorite of the family photos we took!

Such handsome boys I'm surrounded by...can't wait to see what our little lady is going to look like!

At this point the boys had left to go to Sunday dinner so Jim and I were able to capture some beautiful photos of just the two of us.

This was my favorite outfit of the day and the location and sunlight were just beautiful too! I'm having a hard time actually picking my favorites out of this bunch!

hahahahahaha....you should have seen me trying to get up after this next set of photos were taken.

2 days later at 33 weeks and 5 days pregnant (and exactly 3 weeks away from baby girl's delivery) the boys and I went into Jenn's home studio to capture a few really fun photos I had found on Pinterest that I really wanted to do with just the boys and I and the belly! I may actually love some of these photos more than the outdoor ones but I think that was because the session was super short, the boys were in great moods (and very much understood the bribes that were on the table...Timbits AND Putter's ice cream!) and I felt way more relaxed because there was no time crunch on us as there was a few days earlier. It was mainly just Jenn and I having fun while I switched tops MULTIPLE times and lots of laughing while she captured exactly the images I was hoping for! Here are the highlights from that short but awesome session!

These first two turned out EXACTLY as I had hoped they would! Both are going to be printed for the wall of the nursery!

Jordie cuteness

And some love from my big guy James

Not sure why but this picture just touches my heart so much. This guy made me a Mommy almost 7 years ago and I can't wait to see him take on the role of big brother once again!

Jordie and Blaze

Another good one of me and James

A few more artistic shots of just the belly to finish off the day's photos!