We are still committed to being a family

I know that many people won't understand why I feel the need or desire to write a post like this, but in my heart it's what I need in order to move forward. It's about living my truth and who I am.

Some will say it's for attention, but to me it's really not. It's about being my authentic self and sharing the thoughts that are on my heart about this very painful topic. It's how I feel I will move forward in my own healing. If you don't respect that, that's okay. I'm not writing it for you, I'm writing it for me.

On January 1st, Jim and I made the incredibly painful decision to separate after almost 22 years together. Almost exactly half of our lives.

I remember seeing a post like this quite a few years ago from a couple and I remember thinking how great it was that they were just open and honest. Our town is painfully small and the rumor mill is sometimes awful. I'm hoping by putting my own words here that there will be no more questions or rumors floating around. I've had the same discussions so many times over the last 6 weeks; every time someone new finds out that we are no longer together. I get being curious (I usually am too), but I admit that being on this side of it is hard and I'm hoping that those that do still have questions will feel comfortable to come to me and ask, rather than talking about me behind my back.

I'm open to talking about it as I feel that not enough people do. Marriage is hard, separation is hard...it's all hard and I appreciate real honest conversations over people speculating. I'm not ashamed of this decision and if you have questions, ask me...but also know that I have randomly started crying a few times so this is your warning now. And if you offer me a hug, I guarantee I'll take it😊

As I'm sure anyone reading this can understand, this decision did not come without a lot of hard discussions about what we both want for our future, and truly with our kid's best interests at heart.

Through all of these big life changes; James, Jordie and Kennedy will continue to be our main focus. They will always matter more than anything else and we are both committed to that.

We've tried hard over the last few years to make our marriage work, and the last 6 months brought some big realizations that simply put, we just aren't each other's person anymore. I believe that there is still a lot of love for one another as the mother/father of our children, but we just aren't in love anymore. There are so many things that we still love about each other and there are many fun moments that we are still able to share together too. On many days we still very much enjoy each other's company and as you can imagine that has made this decision that much harder to come to.

Anyone who has been where I am likely knows how truly heartbreaking of a realization that is, especially when there isn't a lot of hate and anger involved. Instead there is just a lot of sadness and regrets and deep wishes that things had gone differently. Even though in my heart I know I tried, it still feels like a failure any time I think about it. I wanted more for my kids, but sometimes in life this is just how it goes and I can accept that. Both Jim and I came from divorced parents and we had hoped our kids wouldn't; but we also don't believe in staying married just for the sake of our kids either. We both want more for our lives than that and truly believe our kids deserve more than that too. I want to show them all the happiest and healthiest versions of both Jim and I. That is what I feel they deserve, even if this is a painful time for us all to get through.

I believe that both Jim and I amazing human beings who have grown and changed a lot in our years together and sadly we've just grown in different directions. We met at 22 and truly and honestly, we grew up alongside each other. We had many many great years together, but also some really hard years too. We navigated a lot of challenging things over our time together. A chronic illness for me with hospitalizations, surgeries and sickness, etc, a big move for Jim away from his whole family to live closer to my family, a wedding, buying our first home together, countless job changes and education opportunities, camp work for Jim and being away when our boys were little, a few new careers, welcoming a third baby in a complicated and scary pregnancy and delivery, a global pandemic, the sale of our first home and the purchase of our dream home, ridiculously busy and complicated kid's and volunteer schedules, and so many other ups and downs.

I don't think anyone enters into this chapter of life without feeling like there is more to life ahead. I have the best of hopes that Jim and I can continue to be great friends through our next 10 years of co-parenting. We are committed to raising our kids together and we both feel that as long as we focus on how much we love them and try not to focus on the hurt feelings between us, that our kids will always win out in the end. I hope to be playing crib with Jimmy for many years to come. It's the best way that we connect and I really hope that there are so many more games to be played in our future.

These family photos were taken just a few days before Christmas. We had already seriously discussed separating but didn't want to tell the kids until the new year. When I look at these photos I will always remember that they were our last ones as an official married family...but in saying that, I really hope that in the years to come we will take many more family photos together. 

I truly believe in my heart that Jim and I have the ability to be best friends who raise our kids together. It is our goal and our best hope. 

I'll share another post soon with the rest of the photos!

For now, and if you got this far and you're wondering because I know it's the number one question I've been asked when people find out about our separation...where are we both going to live? Our goal and hope for now is to share our home so we both continue to have daily access to our kids. We are very fortunate that our home has two fully self contained suites in it. Kennedy and I's bedrooms are upstairs and all 3 of the boys bedrooms are downstairs. The basement suite has all of the same amenities as the upstairs does, just on a smaller scale. It's got a full kitchen, good sized living/dining room, laundry room and two bathrooms. It will be an adjustment for all of us but we are doing all that we can to do what's best for our kids and for now, this is it. Who knows what the future holds for the Barrows family, but we knew we had to at least try this living arrangement before making the very painful decision to sell our home and live separately and share the kids. As I said above...It is our goal and our best hope💗