It’s been a rough day

Some good, some bad, high stress, kids not listening and having bad attitudes, working at the office and at home, painting hearts at the school, hot bath, too lazy to cook dinner so got McDonald’s, late to bed for the kids, one kid barfed (guessing from the McD’s cause totally fine after). Just an all around pretty frigging BLAH day. Let’s hope for better tomorrow!

😡😡😡 Shit like this pisses me off to see. These tags are at Westview and I noticed them at VIU this morning too. Stupid little punk ass bored kids. 😡😡😡

Today just kicked my ass completely

Point form notes from a super crappy day in my world:

* Woken at 5:35am (after a terrible sleep with a very unsettled baby beside me and a random terrible coughing attack which almost woke up said baby) by a loud pitched squealing alarm coming from my basement.Find said alarm but can't figure out how to turn it off. Check both breaker boxes but nothing is labelled about "annoying alarm for ____ system!" so have no idea what the alarm is actually for.

* Call hubby in a panic, text mom in a panic, Jim calls me back on his coffee break 20 minutes later but he has no idea what the heck the alarm is. Finally turn off the breaker to the whole basement and it stops the squealing but now I have no kitchen, hallway or bathroom lights on the main floor. For some reason that set of lights is on the downstairs breaker?!?! 

* Decide not to go back to bed, make a cup of tea, write email I didn't want to write but had to.

* Text Kevin and he says he'll come over and see if he can figure something out for me.

* Get email from teacher requesting we come in after school for a chat.

* Kids get up and I catch James walking down the stairs with Kennedy in his arms! Usually she's in her crib and he can't get her out but she was on my bed and he heard her fussing and went in and saw I was downstairs so he thought he'd just bring her down. Dear lord...NOT something he's allowed to do with her at all!

* Call my mom and cry that I just need a break from the grumpy and tired baby that has been attached to me for days. My usually happy and good sleeping baby has decided she needs to scream her lungs out when she is laid in her crib and as soon as she's put down anywhere and I leave the room she whines and cries. I know immunizations are important, but they sure do make for some grumpy days afterwards.

* Zombie my way through making breakfast and lunches and throw some clothes on and brush my hair and teeth.

* Kevin came by and disconnected the alarm and turned the breaker back on so I had lights in my kitchen again and power to the basement.

* Drive Jordie to school and then head to Jenn's for a quick 1 hour visit. Kennedy cried and was grumpy but kept busy with some toys and then shit herself and seemed happier but very tired. It was not quite 10am and I just wanted to cry again.

* Home to call plumbers to come and look at our sump pump in the basement which we believe might be the alarm that went off.

* Take very tired baby to Nana's for what is supposed to be a nap (nope...she slept for 10 minutes before waking up again). She hates sleep right now.

* Jim and I tidy up the laundry room and try to get things moved around to access the sump pump access hole that is underneath the washing machine and cupboard. Rob Byrce comes over for a quick chat and we think everything is all good with the sump pump and maybe the alarm is for the hard wired in smoke detector system we have.

*11:27 and holy shit I just about forgot to pick up Jordie at preschool. Race out the door and get there late. Consider taking him home with me but am so tired I just want to have a very short nap before our meeting at the school, so I take him to Nana's instead.

* I get home and my poor tired hubby is still awake from his graveyard shift last night. We make lunch cause now neither of us have eaten yet. Sit down to eat and within 15 minutes the second plumbing company has called and after talking to him we think we do need to double check the pump system below the washing machine so we move forward with trying to move the washer but soon realize I'm totally useless at moving heavy shit so we wait for the plumber and hope he'll help Jim move it. Plumber gets caught at another job and can't get to us in time before we have to go.

* 2:35 we leave home, pick up a pissed off James who throws a hissy fit in his classroom and take him to Nana's so we can go back to the school to meet with his teacher.

* 2:55 meet with his teacher. Things aren't going well for our very bright big guy who is struggling socially and emotionally at school. I tried my best to keep my shit together but I cried anyways. Plans in place for the future, but still a tough conversation to have.

* 3:40 rush to Nana's to pick up Jordie for swimming lessons. Jim takes the other two home to meet with Kevin who is nice enough to come over and reconnect the alarm and help Jim try to figure out the problem. Bright spot was that they did find the problem and the sump does appear to be working properly and the alarm just went off because a breaker had been blown and the tray it sits in was completely filled with water. Looks like the alarm did it's job :)

* After Kevin left Jim packed his stuff for work so he can head back on the 6pm ferry to Texada to hopefully sleep for 4 hours before going back to work tonight. I feel so bad for him but was really glad he was home today to help me with the plumbing stuff, as well as come to the meeting at the school.

* 4:00 I watch swimming lessons where I have a great chat with Ash and manage to not cry which was surprising. Then run two errands with Jordie, including the credit union where I seriously tell the teller that I think I may have had too many kids (hehehehehe....I said it with a tired smile on my face). I also have a quick chat with Katryna....and I end up crying again. On the way home Jordie tells me he's sad that he hasn't hugged me enough. He hasn't seen me crying at all today but I'm surprised at how perceptive he is to how I'm feeling today. Promises to hug and kiss me lots when we get home (promptly forgets two minutes later when we walk in the door but I love that he at least thought about it!)

* 5:10 arrive home to read an adorable letter that James made for me. I cried again. I'll post the letter at the bottom of this post. Have a quick 20 minute chat with Jim while he feeds Kennedy a bottle. It's amazing how nice it is when someone else feeds her sometimes. I do love that time with her but sometimes on days like today when I'm feeling very over touched and done it is a really nice break. I know I'm not the only mom to say this, but some times it feels like it.

* I fed my kids Fruit Loops for dinner (yup mother of the year award coming this way today). Well one also had strawberries and the other had yogurt so it wasn't all bad I guess.

* Shower/bath the two littles, brush teeth, deal with a screaming Jordie who has an owie on a sensitive area that needs to be dealt with but he screams like he's dying. While I am dealing with Jordie, Kennedy is crying and whining on the bed because she's tired of James bugging her (he was watching her but then picked her up and she was having none of it...she just wanted to drink her bottle and go to bed).

* I plunked a somewhat happier and distracted Kennedy down in the boys room for them to entertain her while I quickly cleaned up the kitchen and made her bottle, then I put Jordie to bed, fed Kennedy her bottle and she falls asleep on my shoulder and I am able to do the crib transfer (YAY) and then read to James in my bed. All kids to bed by 7:45 and I haven't yet eaten supper or done any significant household chores today other than load the dishwasher.

* Sit down to write this blog...and get distracted....still need to eat supper and am so tired I can barely see straight. 3 nights in a row of really uninterrupted sleep makes for a very tired and clearly emotional mama. I don't cry often, but when I have bad days like today it just tends to happen. I'm gonna eat and then crawl into bed and try to watch Grey's without falling asleep and I'm going to hope that all of my kids sleep through the night tonight.

The whole reason that I wanted to write this blog was to show the two really bright spots to my otherwise really crappy day. Plus I like these day in the life posts that are really honest and real. Especially ones like today where I openly admit how many times I cried. My life is always crazy, sometimes awful but always full of love for the people that are in it. I couldn't have gotten through today without my Mama's help, a wonderful "get on the same page" chat with Jimmy and some bestie advice from Ash. It takes a village to raise kids...and today I feel like I leaned heavily on my other villagers!

The adorable letter that I got from James. These types of things make all of the crappy stuff above totally worth it.

And him singing this lullaby to a sound asleep Kennedy

Let's hope for a much better day tomorrow for everyone! 

Turning 35 just sucked...but not because I'm old....

...just simply because it was a crappy day! After a wonderful weekend away with the girls I came home and caught the cold that all three of my J's had last week. I knew it was coming and felt crappy Monday and Tuesday so wasn't expecting miracles when I woke up yesterday morning. My head was stuffy, my nose was runny and I just felt tired and yucky, even though I went to bed at 9 the night before. Thankfully at this point it's just a head cold with my head feeling really big and just being super tired.

The day started off good with flowers and cards from my boys.

Then we got to school and there was a situation with James that bothered me and put me in a crappy mood for the rest of the day, but I was wearing my new sweater and boots so attempted a selfie to see if I looked as crappy as I felt. Jim said no, I looked good. Yeah right, but thanks honey!

James came to my work after school and as you can tell from this picture he just didn't look good. He hadn't eaten more than a few bites of his whole lunch and he said he didn't feel good. I thought maybe he was just tired and sent him off with Jim. Less than an hour later the poor guy was throwing up at home with his Daddy.

I left work early at 5:45 because I had a terrible stomachache. I walked in to yummy smelling brownies that Jimmy had made for me because James was too sick to make the cake he had wanted to make me. I attempted some photos with me and my boys because I take them every year with them but no one was really that into it (which I don't blame any of us!)

Poor James threw up again about 2 minutes after this photo was taken. Just the act of standing up for a few minutes for a photo and he felt sick again!

Luckily these two didn't catch whatever little flu bug James had!

 

Jim went and got Subway for dinner for me, Jordie and him while James drank ginger ale and ate some crackers. I was in my PJ's by 6pm, we watched cartoons while we ate dinner and then we were ALL IN BED BY 8:30!! I was just feeling terrible and didn't have a great night sleep with James awake again at 11 moaning like he was going to throw up again. Thankfully he didn't though!

Anyways...just a terrible day turning 35. Work was long and sucky and having sick kids is never fun at all! Let's hope 36 is a better day and that my birthday is not an indicator as to how 2016 is going to go for me...and my boys!

Poor Jordie Boy

Jordan woke up in the night on Monday and we could tell he went from feeling fine at bedtime to sick. He had a terrible seal like barking cough and was just really unsettled. He woke up really early on Tuesday morning and looked really not great. I had a ton of stuff to do at work so staying home was not an option so THANK GOD for Nana and Papa who agreed to take him even though he wasn't looking (or feeling) very well at all.

This is what he looked like just before I left there at 8:45 to take James to school. Poor little Jordie!

Here he is snuggled up next to Papa snoozing away

Nana said he snoozed off and on all morning

Here he is at Wal-Mart with his Daddy after his fever had broken and he had gone to the doctor to get some antibiotics. He was clearly feeling a little bit better!

And then THIS happened! Jim said he fell somehow right on his forehead in the mall. OUCH!

He was still in good humour but with a climbing fever again this smile didn't last too long

Still relatively happy playing in the bathtub...wow does that thing look red. This was probably 3 hours after it happened too!

Out cold in bed 7pm...this only lasted about 45 minutes before he was awake and crying again.

So he came into bed with me while I watched some TV

He saw the flash go off so he gave me this little sleepy half smile

Finally asleep, but from 8-12:30 he only slept in 15 minute shifts in among crying and gagging like he had to get sick. Poor little guy! At 12:30 we gave him some Benadryl (suggested/recommended by the pharmacist) and he insisted that he wanted to "me eep my bed" so we moved him over with his humidifier and his bucket in case he got sick and he slept solidly with no coughing or waking up until after 7am. And then today he seems almost back to himself and the cough is a million times better. Kids sure do bounce back fast! It's hard to see your babies sick! 

HANDS DOWN yesterday was my worst day as a mother yet!

This was my mantra throughout the day yesterday. I remember reading this quote a few times over the past few days and it came to me first thing yesterday morning when all hell broke loose first thing!

Yesterday morning started off with Jordan waking up ridiculously early at 5am with a runny nose and the obvious beginnings of a cold. He had had a terrible night, was awake 3 times and was clearly exhausted and absolutely miserable. Without exaggerating I can safely say that he literally cried and whined for at least 75% of the hours that he was awake yesterday. That resulted in 3 naps (although all 3 were short and clearly not helping with how he was feeling) and 3 HUGE cups of tea for Mommy. He didn't want to be held but didn't want to be put down either. And trying to keep him away from his barfing brother was no small task either. I tried to watch him in one room while still being around for James too.

Just a short video to demonstrate his total misery at the world.

James woke up yesterday and was quieter than usual and made an odd comment about how he felt like he had eaten too much dinner the night before (he had eaten almost 10" of a foot long sub from Subway!) but still wanted to get outside and play some hockey so off he went in his PJ's. He came in about an hour later saying he had a tummy ache and then proceeded to get sick. He is much like me and definitely not a fan of throwing up. I hoped it was just a fluke but had him stay inside and watch a movie anyways. Gave him a few goldfish and some fluids but unfortunately soon realized that he wasn't going to be able to keep anything down. My wonderful Auntie Mowat went out to Shoppers for some children's Gravol and I was shocked that not only was James able to stay awake after taking it (I can't even if I take 1/2 of a pill) but was still getting sick. I did get him to drink some juice and eat a little bit of chicken noodle soup with goldfish for supper because he said he was feeling better and was hungry. He finally fell asleep in Papa's chair at about 6pm, 3 hours after taking the Gravol and a full day of getting sick and watching TV. I moved him to bed at 7 but you could tell he really still wasn't feeling well.

My non-snuggler big guy just wanted his Mommy to hold him, which was hard to accomplish with the miserable 1 year old around.

 

When he finally did fall asleep this is what he looked like, complete with snoring!

 

I got a tired and cranky Jordie to bed at 7:30 and finally sat down to have some oatmeal for supper at 8. At 8:45 I got up and decided to go to bed as I was just so tired from a terrible sleep the night before and a long day. Just as I stood up from my chair I heard Jordan stir, then cough and then start screaming. I walked into the bedroom and moved his blanket and quickly realized he had thrown up EVERYWHERE, all over himself, his crib blankets, sheets, etc. So, at 9 pm it was off to the bath and then trying to keep him quiet while I cleaned everything up. At this point all I could do was literally laugh at the craziness of the whole day and think back to that quote again. He was luckily very happy and smiley in the tub. Clearly whatever had caused him to cough and empty his stomach was gone because when I finally got him back to bed he slept not bad through the night, only waking once for a few minutes.

The grossest mothering mess I've ever had to clean up. I would rather change 5 poopy diapers than ever deal with this kind of situation again!

At least he didn't cry in the tub like he's been doing lately.

As with all good stories though, of course it didn't end there. Just as I was putting the clean sheets on Jordan's crib mattress, James woke up moaning, sat up and got sick again! So, off came the blankets on his bed, a quick drink of water and back to bed they both went. I finally climbed into bed almost an hour and a half after I first started on my way there. James was awake again at 2am and just wanted to snuggle with me so I let him in, which of course resulted in a terrible 2 hours for me because he was moaning and moving all over the place. At 4:40 he sat upright and said he was done sleeping. I hoped he meant just with me so I sent him back to his bed, but 15 minutes later he was back in my room saying he was awake for the day. I went out to the den and put the TV on for him, hoping he wouldn't wake up his brother, but of course he did, so by 5am we were all awake for the day. I did make Jordan lay in his bed till almost 5:45 but still it's another long day ahead today.

This morning James said he was feeling much better but as soon as he ate breakfast I could tell he wasn't. Within 15 minutes it all came back up again, so...we're having another Mighty Ducks marathon day today and really hoping that he is done with this 24 hour flu now!

I had such high hopes for the day when they were snuggled up on the couch watching cartoons this morning before breakfast. But no such luck!

Even though yesterday I didn't get to have a shower or get dressed until almost 2 pm and didn't get my first meal until 3 pm, I wouldn't trade these moments for anything in the world.
Even though my hands are dry and sore from the constant hand washing and I have a literal mountain of barfy laundry to take care, I know that taking care of my boys is my most important job, and days like yesterday may suck so bad, but I always try to remember that I am still way better off than so many mothers and fathers in this world.

You always have to look to the positives of every single day and yesterday's positives were the extra snuggles I got from both of my boys.

Motherhood is truly the hardest job in the whole world, but also by far the most rewarding!

It's been a month now and I sure miss him

RIP Coal
1999 - 2013

Yesterday marked a month since I put Coal to sleep and I feel like now I can write the post that I've wanted to write since the day he died. 
I'll just put it right out there, I'm so not a cat person. The only cat I've ever really loved was mine and he came to me by fluke. Coal was my brother's cat and when Ben went away to work many years ago he needed someone to watch the cat for a few months while he was away. Fast forward a few weeks and Jim and I were headed over to the Mainland from Nanaimo to pick up a cat we had never really talked about getting. Like I said before, I've never been much of a cat person, but for that big brother of mine I would do anything.

Coal had quite the journey to get to us. My cousin drove to my uncles house and then drove him (which he hated the crate and the car) to the airport in Penticton, then he flew to Vancouver where Chris picked him up and drove him to Horseshoe Bay where we walked onto and then off the ferry to collect him and got right back on and went home again. The first night we got him home he came out of the crate and sniffed around both Jim and I. The next day we fell in total love with each other. He snuggled up to me on the couch and didn't stop doing it for the next 9 years, right up until the very end.

These were taken in his first days with us

When we had had Coal for almost a year I ended up going home to PR for Christmas and it had been exactly a year since Ben asked us to watch Coal. He knew how much I had fallen in love with him and how much he loved me and he just knew he was never getting his cat back. He went so far as to draw up very official adoption papers that he wrapped up and put under the tree for me to open on Christmas morning.

His favorite place (and human) to sleep with

He loved these oil heaters in every place we had them.

Loved to snuggle with me and my warm computer on my lap

In his skinnier days he liked to sit in some sinks...until Jimmy turned the water on him one day, that ended that fascination for my poor Coalio

BUSTED! I had no idea he ever did this until the day I caught him.

He loved to sit and sleep in strange places

Moving day and trying to get away from everyone and this where he chose to sit

Always loved my linen closets

He acted tough and like he didn't like him but I know he loved him too

His favorite way to sleep, all curled up in a big ball with his paw over his face

Favorite close up pictures of him

Sneaky kitty

Chilling with his first human Dad

And yes I was that pet owner that dressed my cat up for Christmas

Now some of my favorite photos of him ever taken...and the last ones before kids happened to our life and I found I took less pictures of just my fur baby!

Before I had my kids I loved this little guy seriously like he was my first kid. I remember when he got sick once when I was pregnant I was almost hysterical thinking about having to put him to sleep and I had no idea how I would do it. It turned out he was just really overweight so he went on a kitty diet which never really worked!

Up until about a month or two before he died he was a very solid 18 pound cat. He was a great cat that didn't love a lot of people except for me which I was totally fine with. He loved to snuggle with me, especially under the covers and often right snuggled up to my tummy or sprawled across my arm.

He was a spoiled kitty that for the longest time would only drink out of a cup on the counter in my bathroom. He rarely drank from a toilet but would if he had to. He would not drink from a container on the floor until about a year before he died and he just couldn't handle the jumping down from the counter anymore. He was such a big kitty that you could literally hear his thud from 2 floors away when he jumped down from there!

When I was pregnant with James especially (I think he started to decline a bit in the past year when I was pregnant with Jordie) he would love to climb onto my chest/belly and sleep up high up there. He loved to be near me, and would just look at me when the baby would kick at him. He loved to purr and to petted, but only on his terms. He didn't particularly like to be picked up or held but would sometimes tolerate it for a select few people. He loved my sister, but really didn't like my parents. My dad is the only person I ever know he bit!

Some pics from my first pregnancy with James

He was so good with James when he was a baby...and once he started moving around and wanting to be wherever he was!

Aaawwww....a favorite photo for sure. James reading his The Very Hungry Caterpillar book to Coal on the stairs before bed.

These two had a very special relationship. We made sure James was raised to respect Coal and his space and his stuff and to not bug him. He did love to hug and kiss him but was usually really good about leaving him alone. Only once did he ever swat at him and it was totally provoked as James had been bugging the hell out of him and I warned him that Coal was going to attack him if he didn't back off. Just a second later I heard the cry, and I went running to see tears streaming down James's face but not a single mark on James's face. He had swatted him with just his paw as a warning to back off. He never again caused him to meow at him or swat him. Coal learned that if he was pissed off he should just get up and walk away and hide somewhere.

Now pregnant with Jordan

Some random photos from the past 7 months

He was actually being quite gentle and Coal was loving it!

The first time I think I got a picture of them together

Probably my favorite photo ever taken of my two little ones. 

"Helping" me with my class project

  

The next pictures were taken on our last night together. By this point the poor guy couldn't really move so I made him a little bed on the floor where the boys couldn't/wouldn't easily get at him.

These were the first and only pictures I think I ever got of Jordan sitting up with Coal. He only started sitting shortly before we found out Coal was dying and I didn't think to take many photos as I really didn't want Coal to feel attacked by Jordie.

He was already learning to be gentle with Coal. I'm sad that he won't be able to grow up with him, but he'd been such a good kitty for so long, it was his time to go.

After the boys went to bed he slowly walked down the stairs and struggled to climb up to snuggle with me on the couch one last time. I picked him up and made him a comfy spot beside me on both the couch and the bed  that night. My heart was breaking as I was taking these photos knowing that they would be the last ones I had of him. It was one of the hardest and saddest nights of my life, knowing where I was taking him the next morning. I kept waking up all night and checking on him and all night he just sat awake. He was clearly sick and ready to go. Sadly too, Jim had just left for work a few days before I realized it was time to do it. Up until the day before I realized, he had still been eating and drinking so thankfully it did happen very quickly and I know he didn't suffer, which was what I promised him and myself when I knew he was coming home to live out the last days of his life.

  

When the time came for me to say goodbye to him I knew in my heart that he had lived a really good life with Ben before me and with Jim and I for the past 9 years. He was 14 years old and was a great companion and friend to me for the years I had him. Because Jim was out of town my sister kindly offered to come with me and I have to say that it was a very humane and loving experience. I know some people can't be there at the end but I just couldn't have him be alone. When the vet gave him the sedative I just picked him up and held him until he came back into the room. Then I just stood and cried and petted him until he was gone. It was definitely one of the hardest experiences of my life but I was proud of how I handled it. I couldn't have done it without my sister by my side.

I really have no desire to ever have a cat again, but we all know we make those sacrifices for our kids and I don't doubt that maybe down the road we may have another one, but certainly not anytime soon. We got off lucky that James is so young still that it hasn't really phased him that Coal is gone. As kids get older that pet passing thing must get much harder. My 9 year old niece was sobbing when I talked to her the next day, as she loved Coal very much too (note the Christmas cat picture with her when she's really little!).

Since his passing I've been going to bed with a hot water bottle that I tuck near my tummy just to feel the warmth there like I used to. It's not nearly as soft or comforting as Coal was but it's all I've got now. The thing I will remember and miss most of all is when he would climb up on the bed and come right up to my face buried in the covers and would swat at it until I lifted the covers and let him in to snuggle. That, and taking up more of the bed than my poor Jimmy! :o)

I'll miss you, my first baby, Coalio.

And lastly a short video of him in a really happy moment. He was an indoor cat but when allowed outside for brief times this is what he would do!