Not the same at all but still felt great to do something

I may not be able to go to Coast for a Kelly class but this was still an adventure to me. I fed the kids early and then kicked them off the main floor and tried to relax the best I could. Not easy with kids around but I was proud of myself for giving it a shot. I really hope in-person classes will resume again at the end of April but sadly I’m not holding onto that hope too strongly. 

Things here in BC in regards to Covid are not looking good and for now I’m just showing gratitude that the kids are back to school today (wearing masks) and that amazing businesses such as Coast have found ways to keep people engaged the best they can through these uncertain times. 

When your 10 year old asks you to hold him close and snuggle him, you absolutely ALWAYS say yes!

 A few weeks back James came up to one evening after the littles went to bed and asked me to snuggle him, literally he wanted to crawl onto my lap and cuddle me. The kid is massive but of course I said yes. We laughed and giggled so hard and my heart just about burst. This kid loves big and I am so grateful that at just about 11 he still loves his Mama so very much and wants to be held and snuggled. How did I get so lucky to be this kids Mom?! 

Keep being you James, all of you! And keep asking to snuggle for as long as you physically fit on my lap. You are growing by the day it seems and your eyeballs are getting closer to mine every single day! It won't be long until you are taller than me and your wish to hug with your arms above mine will come true. Until then, know your role and I get the top hug spot :) 

April 1st and spring is in the air!

Another day and another walk for this Mama! I am committed to getting out every day and the sunshine makes this so much easier. I throw on my bluetooth headphones, comfy runners and off I go. Sometimes it's a long walk, sometimes I take some of my people with me, and sometimes I just go by myself and only walk around the block. I have wanted for YEARS to make daily exercise a priority in my life but have never been successful at it. I always felt like if it couldn't be a long walk then what was the point, and once a day or two went by that I didn't do it then I just decided to say to hell with it and give up. This time I'm taking it day by day and if I don't want to do it I tell myself to just walk around the block, just 10 minutes. Just do something to move my body and take a few minutes to breathe and just be me. I am LOVING the new time I'm spending and feel value in myself and my life like I never quite have before. And a deep appreciation for all that my body has done for me over the past 40 years and being committed to staying active for the rest of my years!

 

My favorite memory of March

A random Saturday afternoon snuggle that turned into a nap for my sweet girl. I was laying in bed just relaxing watching a show and she asked if she could snuggle with me. Next thing I knew her dress was off and she was snuggled up so comfy and cozy and I knew what was about to happen. I knew she'd likely be up late that night because of it, but in that moment I just didn't care at all. I took ALL the 3 year old snuggly snuggles I could get. 

It's rare that she naps these days (maybe once a month or so) but those of us that get to be part of it are very lucky. Last month she was at Nana and Papa's one day and she crawled up into Papa's arms and they both fell fast asleep. I wasn't there and Nana didn't capture a photo of it but when I got there later they were both very happy about their little snuggle. It won't be long  now before these moments are just parts of our memories of the toddler days. I am hanging on tight for this next year until she's officially a big kid and off to school. I'm gonna take ALL the snuggles I can get while she still so willingly wants to give them!

Truth Tuesday - I am SO over Covid and masks and all of it

There, I said it. I hate Covid and so many of the things that have changed because of it. 

I DESPISE wearing a mask, but do it willingly when I need to and if I can't be 6ft away from others. I avoid all stores as much as I can and thankfully Jim doesn’t mind doing the lion's share of our shopping and errands. I find masks hot and itchy, hard to breathe in and my glasses get fogged up and I can’t see anything! Plus I don’t have great hearing so I find I really struggle now that I can’t read people’s lips like I now realize I used to do a lot!! 

But you know what I’ve found bothers me the most about the masks...not seeing smiling faces. 😢 I know people smile with their eyes too but it’s just not the same and after almost a whole year of mask wearing everywhere I just feel really sad when I go places and can’t see people’s faces. I am so over it and I feel like this will be our life forever now and I feel bitter and angry about it. I don't see an end in sight and that is hard for me right now, with case numbers climbing every day, more restrictions coming in again, and my biggest fear is if they close the schools again. That will be a game changer and I know we will survive just like we did last year, but I also know it won't be pretty either. They keep assuring us that won't happen, but until they walk out that door to school on April 7th I'm not overly confident. There is a funny meme about that floating around FB about being worried about spring break because last year they never went back!

I feel the most terrible for the things that Covid has stolen from my kids (family dinners (and hugs), sports, birthdays, friends, playdates, travel) and for the overall societal perception of how the virus affects all of us. Kennedy is about to turn 4 and has now spent 1/4 of her life living through this. She doesn't remember what life was like before last year, and that's really sad to me. And for the boys, there is anger and upset about what Covid has taken from them and it's hard to tell them to not be angry, when I feel that anger too sometimes. 

We are lucky that here in PR the restrictions haven't been felt quite as acutely as they have in other areas and I am very grateful for that. Our kids up to now are still in dance classes, they got to practice hockey all fall and winter, and fingers crossed some form of a baseball practice season is being planned right now. BUT, they are all also facing their second Covid birthday in a row and I am so sad about it as their big days approach over the next 6 weeks. Both Jim and I turned 40 with no parties, no planned Mexican vacation, and almost no opportunities to be celebrated. We are both well loved and our family and friends did of course make us feel special on our days, but it was certainly not the birthdays we thought they would be. 

The new restrictions brought forward yesterday brought a new level of sadness to my world and I feel like somehow I was in denial that this was coming. I have grown to really love yoga and the weekly classes I take at Coast have become some of my favorite hours of the week. I know I can do online yoga and will definitely try it, but I am feeling bitter that Covid has robbed me once again. I am feeling that fatigue that so many people are experiencing and just really hoping for better days and weeks and months ahead. I long for the days of no masks and hugs and lots of smiling faces. I try hard to not live long in my unhappy thoughts and move on from them as quickly as I can. I'm teaching myself every single day how to live as a better human being than I was before all of this stuff happened. 

I also work hard to see the positives in that we are all still healthy and happy and the sun is shining here again this week. We both still have our jobs and are both still working and busy with volunteering however we can. I'm walking as much as I can, going to the beach, playing lots of crib together, sleeping more than we used to, and just overall living a healthier life than we did. We are way less busy than we used to be and we enjoy the quieter pace of life. That's not to say that I don't look forward to the days that I can be back in the kids school helping out and making a difference again! 

To end this post on a high note...I have discovered one thing that I don’t hate about Covid and what it has done to our world...and that thing is the new ME 😊 I am really proud of the work I've put in to becoming a better me.  

After a long and heavy day we just made the time to do it

Today was just a beast of a day. It was long and heavy and full of hard things. Locked out of the strata's email, fence blown down from the storm, lots of driving, year end work at VIU, strata meeting prep...and all on not a great nights sleep! Not to mention Dr Henry's news conference today with more strict Covid restrictions coming our way. :( 

The day started early with the kids first day at daycare/spring break camp so we were out the door earlier than we are on school days, then work, then to pick up the boys, do some strata work, pick up KJ, more strata work, chat with my sister, make and feed kids dinner, virtual strata meeting...just another long and crazy day for me! Plus Jim only got home at 6 and had to turn around and leave again at 9 (don't ask, messy shift schedule this week on Texada). 

My meeting ended at 8 and KJ was sound asleep when I went up to check on her. As tired and hungry as I was and really wanted to just sit on the couch and visit with Jim for a few minutes, instead I decided I really needed to get in a quick walk and feel the cold air on my face for even just a few minutes. James asked if he could come with us but he had to stay home with the other kids and even when he suggested he come and Jim stay home, his dad replied with "no way buddy, I haven't seen Mom all day and I want to spend a few minutes with her before I have to leave again" It was a super sweet and touching moment and I was so happy to get bundled up and do our little 15 minute loop around the neighbourhood. 

That 15 minutes was the perfect ending to a stressful and hard day. I am going to bed with a huge smile on my face knowing how much I am loved and how much I love him, and once again really proud of how far we've come. We are putting in the work and we are seeing the benefits of that hard work every day. We are making the effort to connect and spend quality time together and it is making all the difference in the world for us and our family. 

Sunday Self-Reflection

I used to really not enjoy walking, whether to get somewhere or just for pleasure. The past 3 months has changed that for me completely. I have made it a mission every single day to get out and walk, even if it is literally just around the block near my house. It seems weird and cliché to say that it's been life changing, but it really honestly has. I have never been one to want to be active, in fact it often made me uncomfortable (itchy legs from the blood rushing to areas that weren't used to being used were the worst!) and every time I'd get uncomfortable I'd tell myself not to bother doing it. Then I'd return to the couch and sit and do nothing instead. 

Between my new LOVE of yoga and a true desire to just get healthier (the number on the scale for once is not my biggest motivator...it is a motivation, but not the only one), I find myself feeling restless and unable to settle or focus if I have sat for too long and haven't felt that fresh air on my face and in my lungs. I long for quiet alone time to just walk and think and when I come back from my walk I feel so much better able to focus on whatever is in front of me, whether that's work or parenting or whatever. 

I never in a million years thought I'd make it to where I am now. I'm down 12lbs since January and I am happier and healthier than I ever have been. I am looking forward to the rest of 2021 and seeing how far I can go and how much personal growth I will see over the year. The first 3 months have flown by and have taught me so much already. 

Photos from my awesome 3km walk tonight! The wind was howling and blowing like crazy but the sun was shining and I made it home just moments before the storm hit and the power went out.

And here are a couple photos from our very slow and whine filled walk through the trails yesterday. Every time we walk with KJ she promises she won't whine, but she is only little still and we know it will likely be a few more years before she is in to this particular family activity! 

Photo Friday - Spring break adventures

The kids have been off this week with their dad and have had a great time! There have been beach adventures, park and playground fun, a seawall walk, ice cream treats, swimming and some great downtime at home too! Yay for nice weather during spring break! Next week is crazy with camp for the boys, daycare for Kennedy, strata budget meeting, mom working both jobs and year end at VIU for mom too. Then we'll get an awesome 4 day family weekend for Easter. The sun is shining and this Mama is a happy and grateful lady!