I miss my Mama

I'm a total Mama's girl and I know it so you don't have to say it :)

I left home almost 19 years ago (how is that possible already?) and in all those years I bet there have been only a handful of days that I haven't talked to my mom. The longest I've ever gone without talking to her was maybe 10 days, tops.

My parents left here almost 3 weeks ago and man am I ever missing my Mama! I miss Dad too but differently. I talk to my Mom most mornings and sometimes in the evenings too. It's usually a race between me and Uncle Ron to see who will call her first and we always laugh when she is on the other line with the other one and we get booted until later. I've spent 3 years of the past 8 on maternity leaves and much of those days I've spent either talking to her or spending time with her.

They've gone on long vacations before but usually when they have traveled to Europe or back east they've still had access to wifi or phones in order to stay in touch. This time on the cruise they made it very clear they were not paying huge amounts of money just to check in with me :) I did get a short text from her last week saying they were in Guatemala and were sending hugs but that's been it since April 13 when I last talked to them in Florida the night before they got on the ship.

Anyways, I hope they have had the best trip ever and I hope they missed us as much as we missed them! We're off on a couples trip this weekend and I'm sad that I won't be here when they get back to see how happy and excited the kids are to see them. I already can't wait to see them and give them great big hugs and hear all about the wonderful adventures they got up to on their trip!

My two favorite pictures of me and my Mama - 

this one was from James's first birthday party 7 years ago

And this one was from our recent family photo shoot in December!

I look at these pictures and my eyes fill with tears and all I can hope is that Kennedy loves me when she's an adult like I love my mom.

How she did it I have no idea!

Sheri captured this awesome photo of J&K yesterday and as soon as I saw it my first question to her was "how did you get a photo like that with his arms around her without her screeching face?"

Kennedy loves Jordie that is for sure but usually whenever he gets too close to her or tries to grab her to hug her (especially from behind) she freaks out and starts screeching immediately. Actually screeching is her new go to move pretty much whenever she doesn't like anything. If they take something she is playing with, or they have something she wants, or she doesn't want any more food at her high chair...the list goes on. I will admit the screeching is a new thing in our house, I don't remember either of my boys doing it. James didn't have any competition for toys or anything, and Jordie didn't because he barely made any sounds as a baby and really didn't care what James did to him! But this lady is a whole new breed of the two boys mixed together. She is definitely a little fire cracker that is not about to be pushed around by those big brothers of hers. I see her standing up for herself and throwing many punches in the days and years to come! :)

Whether this was just a fluke or not I don't care at all...I LOVE this picture of both of them. She looks like a little porcelain doll with her sparkling blue eyes and he has a real genuine smile which can be rare with him these days :)

"Because I just love him and he's my family"

So James had his joint birthday party with Cooper on Saturday and we did a super easy hockey/playground party at the boys school. The kids that wanted to play hockey all lined up in the court to pick teams and Coop and James got to be team captains.

I rushed over to take some pictures and the next thing I hear is James saying "oh come on, I'm obviously going to pick Barrows, you come play with me little brother!" He literally picked his little brother to be on his team before he picked any of his big kid friends!!



I thought my heart would burst as my eyes filled with tears seeing how excited Jordie was that his brother picked him first. He only lasted a few minutes in the game before he left crying because he got hit or something but it was such a heart warming moment for me to know that even though they drive each other completely crazy that they truly always have each others backs. When I asked James later why he chose his brother he replied with "well because I just love him and he's my family".

Another great brother moment happened this weekend when the boys had a chance to sit in a big fancy ATV dune buggy thing in the back of a big truck. Jordie got to sit in the drivers seat first and he was so excited but within about a minute he climbed over to the drivers seat and yelled "come on James, you come in too!" I said it's okay Jordie you can have a few more minutes before you have to let him have a turn, and he replied with "no way, he's the big brother and he should be the driver!" It was so cute how excited they were to do it together.

They really do just love each so much, even if a lot of the time all I hear is "MOM....James/Jordie did....." I suppose the days will come where I will miss the bickering and tattling on each other but for now I'm gonna grin and bear it and hope that one day they read these posts and remember how much they love each other!

The Barrows family in cartoon form

I don’t know why I never shared this because I love it! Jenn made it for us when they started becoming popular a few months back. I’ve had it on my phone as the wallpaper for months and just realized I have never shared it. 

Aren’t we cute as cartoons? 

I did it! I survived (and mostly enjoyed) my first day back to work!

Well I’ve now survived two days back to work, and I’m tired but happy to be back at the same time. I did tear up as I drove away from the sitters, but not because I was worried, just feeling a little tender hearted about being away from my kidlets. I have absolutely no reservations about where they are and I know it will be good for them to be with other people while I go back to being me a little bit. 

Things at my work are definitely different from when I left and I feel like there will be some adjusting on my part for sure as my job is looking largely different than it did when I left 13 months ago. That thought both excites and scares me, but I also know I’ve been scared in my jobs before and I’ve always figured it out and I have no doubts I’ll do the same again now. And the beauty part is that I’m returning only part time so I feel really good about being able to balance all of my many responsibilities, although I think I may have to get better at not procrastinating on things that need to be done 😉

I rarely post pictures of me on here, especially selfies, but this one seemed right to do so. It was taken while I sat in my still running van just moments before my 1pm shift was about to start, telling myself to breathe and that everything would be okay. A little teary eyed but feeling ready to conquer this new chapter in my life. 

My friend Sheri who’s watching the kids knows how much I love seeing photos of them during the day. This photo made me smile!

A rare natural smile for my Jordie boy is always nice to see you too!

My Jimmy loves me

While we’re house sitting at Mom and Dad’s house Kennedy usually sleeps in a playpen, however, this time we’ve had some rough sleeps and cranky days with the little lady. One because she runs out of room in the playpen and the other factor being Diesel sleeping beside her on the floor and his scratching and snorting and snoring wakes her up. 

So after a very long day of party stuff yesterday Jim went home to our house to take apart her crib and bring it to my parents to set it up here. This morning he put it together so hopefully me and KJ both get a good nights sleep tonight! 

With going back to work today I know how important it’s going to be to have a good sleep again! Fingers crossed for a happy baby and mama tonight. 

PS: I know there is too much crap in her crib! 😃 The number one thing we’ve gotten lots of since having her was stuffies! She isn’t attached to any single one so I just randomly hand her a new one to snuggle each night. 

Here she was last night in the playpen snuggling her new baby doll she got from the Tassell’s and her new lamb from Danielle and the girls! 

Her Daddy really loves her

I had dreams of making amazing ladybug cupcakes and a cake for Kennedy’s birthday party but then I got overwhelmed and stressed out when the day came and I didn’t have it in me to be creative so Jim stepped in and saved the day. Every time we make our own cakes for a party we say to each other “why didn’t we pay someone else to do this?”

These were fun to make and I’m glad we did so we can say that we did, but I’m pretty sure this might be the last one we attempt for awhile! 

We do a lot of things wrong in this life and certainly aren’t perfect but we do make great kids and we make great teammates most of the time. 

The end of our special time together

Tonight I put this baby to bed for the last time on my maternity leave. Tomorrow marks my first day back to work and even though I’m excited, I’m also a bit sad too. I will miss her, but I’m not worried at all about her and where she is going. She will be fine, just like my boys were when I left them too. I know it’s what is right for our family and I’m at peace with it being what it is. I’m ready to be more than just her mommy and ready to be an adult and use my brain again. And I’m ready for her to be excited to see me at the end of the day. Oh and I’m ready to get away from her newfound love of screeching!! 😉

Happy Birthday to my biggest little

Today James turns 8 and I feel like it was just yesterday that we brought him home from the hospital and we laughed in the parking lot and actually said to each other "who thought it was a good idea to give us a baby?" We had no idea the level of love and commitment and joy that a baby would bring to our lives. From those first days of being a family of just 3, to now being a family of 5, this kid has always been my best buddy. He is so much like me (except that he loves sports like his daddy) that it drives me crazy most days but I wouldn't change anything about him. He has such a huge heart and truly loves being around people. He is very friendly and will talk to literally anyone that he sees. He is so smart that it's awesome to think of the future that this kid has in front of him. He reads like a pro and his math skills already far surpass mine. He is a great friend, brother and most importantly son. Jim and I couldn't be prouder of the kid that he is today and can't wait to see all of the amazing things that he ends up doing with  his life.

I've got the external hard drive out to do some backups so I'm able to access all of the photos that I've taken of him over the years (probably somewhere in the 40,000-50,000 range by now) so I'll share some of my very favorites with you now :)

2011

2012

2013

2014

2015

2016

2017

2018

Happy Birthday James! I love you so much big guy!