Feeling like our life will never be the same again

I don't know if other parents of first time Kindergarten parents feel the same way that I do but it's not a sense of sadness that I'm feeling so much as a huge shift about to happen in our life and family routines and feeling just very aware that our life is really truly never going to be the same again.

I've felt for a long time that once your first child goes off to school that you never go back to the easy going and carefree days of wearing PJ's all day or having movie days on a Friday just because you can. You also never get back the naive view of the world that your little person has. Once he is surrounded by different kids and attitudes and adults I know he will change, I just hope that he still gets to keep that childhood innocence for a little bit longer.

Even though we still have Jordan home with us it just won't be the same. There will always be a big kid to get up, get fed, make lunches for, get dressed and get off to school. I know so many parents feel excitement about this new stage but right now I'm just feeling a bit of sadness and reality setting in for all of us.

Another thing that is impacting my feelings of our family changing is that Jim is also starting school tomorrow, which means that for the first time in 9 months Jordan will be watched by someone other than Daddy or Nana and also not in our own home for 3 days of the week. His whole little world is going to be rocked too, with his "B" being gone all day and someone different watching him almost every day of the week. On Monday it will be Daddy, Tuesday it will be Nana, Wednesday and Thursday it will be Auntie Theresa and then Frday he'll be with me. I think he'll do great and I'm sure I'm worrying for absolutely no reason but still I worry about such a big change for my little Jordie boy and how he will change being faced with such a changing environment! It will probably be really good for him, especially being with Kaleb two days a week. This kid could probably benefit from some other toddler interaction.

Over the past 9 months I've gotten really used to coming home at lunch and seeing my boys and getting in some extra hugs and kisses and hearing how their day was going. I will miss these times so much and I know I will probably walk by James's school once or twice when he's outside for lunch just so I can sneak a peek at him. He keeps telling me that he is going to walk up to VIU to see me when he's at school and I keep reminding him that under no circumstances is he allowed to leave the school without an adult!!

In the past 5 years I've worked full-time, part-time and not at all while I was on maternity leave. Through it all James has just been my little buddy. Whether it was when it was just him and I getting ready for work/daycare together or having movie days in the long newborn-lack-of-sleep days after Jordie was born, he was ALWAYS right beside me. When Jim was away working James and I grew even closer than we had been before and I am finding that this new stage in his life is bringing me both extreme happiness and fear about how this new change will impact who he is today and who he will become in the years to come.  James is such a sweet little soul and I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit worried about the coming months.

The best silver lining in this whole journey for us that I know that James is SO READY for Kindergarten. His years at Busy Bee's were wonderful for him and he learned so much about interacting with other little kids. We talked today about how I want him to make us proud and to show other people the little boy that we have raised him to be. I tell him all the time that inside of him he is a good little boy and that I want him to show everyone that too. I told him to be nice to the kids you notice may be alone and to that he responded "I will go over and ask them to play tag with me." He really is a sweet little boy that wants to be liked and I just hope that he continues to shine as he has in the past 5 years on the start of one of the biggest journeys of his whole life.

I love you so much James and I am SO PROUD of the little boy that you are today as you go to bed for the very last time as a pre-school kid. Tomorrow you join the world of Westview Elementary and truly start on the path that will shape you into the person that you are destined to become. Your daddy and I are both wishing you the best of luck, tomorrow and forever!

At the cabin this weekend we got a chance to read through this book. I loved it so much I've read it to him everyday since Friday. Tonight when I read it I could feel myself choke up a little bit thinking about tomorrow, but I'm going to put on my happy face and walk him into that school where he will undoubtedly shine his little light!