It's all about balance

This is what Kennedy wore for the majority of the day yesterday. I even took her to preschool in the morning with no socks or hat, with just a blanket wrapped around her feet so I didn't look like a totally terrible mom. I also went without a bra because I was rushing to get 5 kids out the door and just didn't really have time to get myself really ready for the day. Then Jim came home and was sleeping in our room all day so I didn't actually get dressed until around 5 when he left for karate!

And this is what she looked like today...dressed in a pretty outfit with her bow on her head (and yes today I did manage to put a bra on!) I walked into preschool and they laughed when they saw her today. I giggled and said "yup it's a balancing act and today we managed to get dressed before leaving the house!"

It's all about balance really. Getting enough sleep, not sitting too long with my tea before feeding the troops and making lunches and herding kids to get dressed, brush teeth, pack bags, put on shoes (why is this one always such a chore?) and getting out the door. I figure if once in awhile we rock the PJ's for the day that's okay, as long as we also have days where we do get dressed with pretty bows in our hair.

On another note about today...this was Kennedy this morning after a short morning nap. Seriously so cute and funny and lovable. 

I had high hopes for a great afternoon nap, but it only lasted less than an hour and then this was her after she woke up. Seriously so awful and hard to hear and see her so tired and grumpy, but whenever I try to lay her down and she just screams and cries so I have to get her up because Jim is sleeping and I don't want to wake him up! It has been a LONG day that's for sure! 

She finally fell asleep again just before 5 and was again up before 6. I'm really hoping we get into a bit of a better nap routine because days like today are really hard...especially if Jim is going to be here at home sleeping on his graveyard shifts.

Summer 2017 Family Photos

These were taken by Jenn on August 31 and I had super high hopes for really adorable summery type photos....but they didn't quite turn out like I imagined them in my head. In hindsight with them being summer pictures we should have gone to the beach but the lighting and time wise for Kennedy that wasn't going to work out so well. I also didn't give Jim much notice of this shoot so his hair was longer and shaggier than he would have liked it to be (and made sure to tell me that on the way to the park!). We definitely picked the wrong time of day for Kennedy, and she fell asleep literally less than 2 minutes before we pulled in at the park and then just pretty much stared blankly at the camera for almost the whole entire shoot. She couldn't sit up yet unassisted and hated being on her belly so really we were limited with what we could get for photos. But even in saying that...we did of course still get some really great ones that I want to share here.

My favorite photo of the whole shoot. This was her teeny tiny little smile!

Another good one but this was her face pretty much throughout the whole shoot! Too funny!

Even though she's not smiling I still LOVE this photo of me and my little lady!

We tried SO HARD to get her to crack a smile. The boys and Daddy were making faces at her and giggling at her, and just NOTHING. She was not budging!

These were cute too...but we will try again when she's a bit older :)

With her Daddy she kind of smirked at us

Then finally gave us just this tiny little smile

Now time to attempt some kid photos...this first one is definitely the best one we got, even if she has a very concerned little face on her. The boys look great in it!

Their faces in this one crack me up!

hahahahahaha...look at her little face....and James's missing front tooth...and Jordie's fake little smile!

The boys look awesome in this one...and Kennedy's frowny brow makes a serious appearance!

Another cute one!

I lied...she did smile...but only when we weren't trying to get her to smile. Glad Jenn captured this one for us!

That's definitely her looking at her brothers face!

Attempting a few more family ones, but pretty much everyone except me was done :) 

Jordie's little worried face just cracks me up

We call these Jordie's crazy eyes....hahahahahaha!

Kennedy was done so we moved on to photos of the boys and us!

Handsome Blue Jays boys!

I like this one best I think

A random dad hug while we were getting Jordie situated for his photos

Typical Jordie smile these days!

Much more natural and awesome smile!

I love this photo of James!

And this one too!

And me and my boys yearly photo!

Jenn's amazing Photoshop skills created this shot because Kennedy wasn't quite yet able to actually sit on her own, so I was holding her up with my arm but Jenn worked her magic to make this shot!
I really just wanted to capture her pretty little pink dress and her very serious expression. This photo will always represent what this photo shoot was like with our sweet baby K!

This was what she did while we took the photos with the boys! She is such a beautiful little girl...look at her pretty blue eyes :)

THANK YOU again to the wonderful Jenn Parkin for capturing some new family photos...even if they didn't work out quite how I was hoping they would! If we'd waited another 6 weeks for a super smiley Kennedy she would have outgrown the pretty dress she was wearing and I knew I wanted to capture that while she could still wear it. 

I know better than most that that is just the way life goes and not every single year our photos will be amazing and that's perfectly fine with me. In fact, I love that, because that is real life...that is exactly how our whole life as a family is! Years down the road when I'll be able to watch my kids grow up through these photos this will just be another one that we look back on and smile at. 

I am so lucky....and yes I do know and appreciate it!

I don't know if my mom just knew I needed it or what but she gave me the best gift ever yesterday. A day with just the boys to focus on them and their activities while she kept this little lady from 8:30am - 7:00pm. 

It started off with me asking her to pick Jordie up from preschool on Tuesday so I could go on James's field trip out to Lang Creek. I had intended to take Kennedy with me but Nana said that I should just leave her at her house and go with just James, so I happily said yes and did just that. I dropped her at 8;30, ran Jordie to school and then made it to James's school in time to do reading with him and then get ready to go. I had a great time focusing on him, walking with him, holding his hand and exploring the grounds and salmon facility out there. I know how much he loves and appreciates any one on one time that he gets with me and this day was just awesome for him and I. 

I had intended to pick Kennedy and Jordie up after the field trip, take them grocery shopping (which I also got to do totally alone!), then home for lunch and a short nap/quiet time before James got home. Then we were off to the rink for Jordie's skating lessons from 3:30-4:00 and then back home for a very quick supper before I would be dropping her back off at Nana's because I had asked her to watch Kennedy from 5:45-7:15 so Jim and I could take the boys to public skating to get some extra practice in. Actually I was originally going to take K with us and put her in the stroller but Nana doesn't trust that I can skate so was worried about her sweet little baby getting hurt. PS: I can skate...but I did bail hard twice last night from not skating for 2 years (Jim wouldn't let me skate last winter because I was pregnant). I will get back into it and I'm sure she will be on the ice with us...but maybe not for the first few times!

Thankfully Nana just offered to keep her all day so she could nap there and not be interrupted with all of the things I had to do. In the end she didn't nap for her almost at all, but she was a happy girl!

Here was my mom's FB status this morning:
"Spent the day with little Miss Kennedy yesterday and was reminded what a super little girl she is! This picture is her at 5:00pm after only sleeping in total an hour and half throughout the day! For only being 6 months old, she is a little champ!! Was a fun day with lots of visitors for coffee and playing with Kennedy!! Wish all the days could be this great!!"

A 4 year old conversation with Jordie

Well it went slightly better this year...but still he doesn't say nearly the amount that his big brother does! 

What is your full name: Jordan...Jordan Barrows....Jordan Douglas Barrows
How old are you right now: 4 (with fingers raised)
What did you do for your last birthday: I didn't have my birthday yet....I don't remember
What kind of party did we have: I don't remember...Me: Was it Spiderman? Him: Oh yeah
Where were we: Me: You don't remember. oh yeah, at Haywire with our cousins.

Your favorite things -
Snack: Fruit Loops (not a snack I can recall him ever getting)
Drink: Milk
Vegetable: Carrots
Fruit: Orange
TV show: Power Rangers
Movie: I don't have a favorite movie
Book: I don't have a favorite book
Toy: I don't have a favorite toy...all of them are 100, I don't have a favorite toy
Holiday: I don't have a favorite holiday
Restaurant: Tim Hortons
Color: Blue, actually red...and blue, red and blue and yellow...and pink.

What do you love best about -
Me: Because you're so pretty
Daddy: Because he's so handsome, and he sometimes  he lets us watch the Ninjago movie, when you're in a restaurant eating by yourself.
James: Because he's so smart, and he loves me, and sometimes he gives me hugs
Your Nana: I love her because she lets us watch shows and sometimes lets us play on the Wii
Your Papa: Because sometimes he lets me watch his sports stuff.
Diesel: Because he so handsome and he is very excited of me and he loves to give me kisses
Kennedy: Because she's so cute and she's our baby

The coolest person on Earth is: Papa

A few more random questions that I chose for him to answer (I had hoped to do a few more this year but he was already fading out so just stuck with these 2 for this year) 
What thing are you the very best at: Playing baseball and I'm really good at playing basketball at bouncing the ball. I'm good at bouncing the ball.

What do you want to be when you grow up to be an adult: I want to be a firefighter. 

A few days later Jordie was with me when I asked James his questions and he wanted to answer a couple more too so here they are (there would have been a lot more but he just kept repeating what James said...and most likely because he knew it was irritating me...such a Jordie thing to do!)

If Diesel could talk, what would he say?: Hey come over and give me a hug

What is the best thing about being a kid: So I can learn how to play the Wii really good...and play N-Strike

What is the most important rule: To not put your hands in your mouth, cause then you'll get germs

If you had super powers what would they be: Ice, actually lightning

What's the hardest thing you've ever had to do: Do a cart wheel (I have never seen him attempt a cart wheel ever!)

Who is your best friend? My favorite friend? Kinsley....and Maddie. Kinsley and Maddie"

If you could be any animal, which one would you be? A lion

What is your favorite thing to do with our family? Go to Magpies and eat

What do you dream about: I dream about that I am in the city, with stars and it's raining

What is one thing you want to learn to do: Front flips

What is your favorite word: I love you

Look at my handsome little brown eyed guy these days.

A 7 year old conversation with James

This has turned into one of my favorite yearly posts to do and this year is no exception. I love hearing James's thoughts on different things and will continue to do these posts for as long as he'll let me!

What is your full name: Alfred James Barrows
If you could change your name what would you change it to: I would change it to Jim
How old are you right now: 7 years old
What did you do for your last birthday: I, what did I do? I don't remember what I did. Jordie chimes in: I remember, it was at the gymnastics club. Oh yeah, it was Star Wars.
Where were you on your actual birthday: In Vancouver, because of Kennedy Joanna. 

Your favorite things -
Snack: Treetop fruit snacks
Drink: It's obviously milk, come on
Vegetable: Cucumber
Fruit: Grapes
TV show: Power Rangers Dino Super Charge
Movie: Hotel Transylvania 2 (we had never seen it until last night!)
Game: Mario Kart Wii
Book: Night time Ninja
Toy: The Wii, right there (pointing at it)
Animal: The Lion
Holiday: Halloween, cause I get all the candy that I want (insert evil hehehehehehehe)
Restaurant: Magpies
Color: Red...Jordie chimed in with his trademark phrase "knew it!"

What do you love best about -
Me: I love you because you are pretty
Your Dad: Because he is intistic, he's a pretty good athlete. Jordie then adds for him: And he lets us pink belly him.
Your Brother: It's because he's fun to play with, very tough, really fast on his bike, and all those other things that a little brother like him could be like.
Your Nana: Because she always gives snuggles, I love LOVE snuggles
Your Papa: It's because he takes me golfing.
Diesel: Because he cuddles with me on the floor all the time and gives me kisses for love.
Kennedy: Because she's cute and everything a baby could be.

The coolest person on earth is: No one. All of you in this family is. 

When you're outside what is your favorite thing to do: Play squareball

What thing are you the very best at: Math, in my class

When you were little what was your favorite thing to do: at the ball park, at the tournament when I was doing the beer gardens, I liked to go crack open beers (chick...imitating a beer cracking open)

Where would you like to go on vacation this year: Mexico

What do you want to be when you grow up to be an adult: I want to be a mayor, so I can make the rules!

Here are some new questions for James this year (cause I was dying to hear his responses)
Where is the most wonderful place you've ever been? Mexico

 What's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to you? I love you

If you were invisible for a day, what would you do? Play video games

What is the worst smell in the world? Poop (massive giggles from both boys), and also when my mom busts a fart. Ewwww

What makes you cry? When I get spanked

What are you scared of? I am scared of NOTHING.

What is your favorite song? Love Gun by the rock and roll band KISS, and I'm actually being them for Halloween

What is your favorite memory? Is going for lunch at the driving range with my family....Jordan, Nana and Papa

If you could, what type of animal would you be? A fish

Who is your best friend? Cooper Lawry

What is your favorite thing to do with family? Go out mini golfing

What is the most important rule? Hands to yourself

If you had a million dollars, what would you spend it on? Nerf Guns

If Diesel could talk, what would he say? I love you James, come here

If you had super powers, what would they be? Fire power

What's the best thing about being a kid? That you do not have to go to work, and you get to play a lot which adults don't because they have to look after their kids, and the adults have to feed the baby, and the kids get to play while the feed the baby and all that stuff

What is something that you don't understand about grown-ups? Is that why they don't like to play video games? Why don't you ever play video games Mom?

What is your favorite word? Why? My favorite word is love, because it's a really caring word and it spreads across the world, having people join and making the world a happier place.

What do you dream about when you sleep? I dream about my shows and different ways of how I think of it being a good way as well.

What 3 words would you use to describe our family? The Barrows Family. I told him to give me 3 descriptive words so then he said we are smart, we are nice, we are caring.

What's something you'd like to learn how to do? Back flips

If you had to give away all of your toys but one, which one would you keep? The Wii

What's the hardest thing you've ever had to do? Give away a few of my toys that I loved

What does your 7 year old self want to tell the world? That everyone is awesome!

Newest photo of James from our photo session with Jenn in late August

Sometimes I feed them Eggo waffles for supper....

Some days I feel like a total rock star mom who has her shit together.
And some days I feel like the craziness of my life has rocked me completely.

Some days I talk peacefully to them all day and they actually listen to me.
And some days I shout more than I should and they seem to tune me out even more.

Some days I put my phone down and engage with them like I know I should.
And some days I play way more Cookie Jam than I should.

Some days I clean up the mess they make when they make it.
And some days it gets left until I have more energy.

Some days I have tons of patience and can feel myself completely connected to them.
And some days they drive me completely bat shit crazy and I just want to hide in my bed.

Some days I am lonely when they go to bed at night.
And some days I am counting down to bedtime from 3 pm on.

Some days I take them out to the park and do stuff with them.
And some days they stay inside and play Wii or watch TV and movies all day long.

Some days I keep my house tidy and neat.
And some days it looks like a bomb went off in it.

Some days I have the energy and patience to take on this life that I've created for myself.
And some days I am completely overwhelmed by it.

There really isn't a point to this post other than to let others know that we all have these feelings of just not being enough some days. I post a lot of happy stuff on my FB and my IG but that doesn't mean that that is how my life is all of the time. It is hard, and messy, and just shitty sometimes. A lot of the time I feel that I am doing really well as a mother, but some times I feel like a complete failure at it.

I make sure that no matter what the day has looked like and whether they have been wonderful or terrible that I ALWAYS put them to bed and tell them how much I love them. Even when I don't like them, they KNOW that I will ALWAYS love them. Even when they are acting like the biggest shit heads, I always remember the reasons why I love them far more. I make a point every single day of telling them numerous times that I love them, and often the reasons why I do. I love when people tell me why they love me and I want to foster that love and feelings of joy for them as well. I never want them to wonder why or how much they are loved.

My kids are good kids and I am so proud of them and of us for getting them to this point already. They are respectful and usually very well mannered. I can usually trust to take them places without them acting out too horribly and sometimes when they do act out I can keep my cool and discipline them fairly and appropriately. Sometimes I spank when I feel like I need to, and sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. I'm not even close to a perfect parent, but damn do I try hard to be consistent and fair with them.

I love my children so much it seriously makes my heart hurt sometimes. And even though I love them that much, I do also get overwhelmed by the responsibility of caring for all 3 of them, both physically and emotionally. I feel a huge responsibility to raise my children to be polite, caring, helpful, contributing members of society who do not feel that the world owes them anything. I want them to learn how to work hard, try hard and get back up every single time this big mean nasty world knocks them down.

So, last night was Eggos for dinner (which they were fine with) but tonight is some pizza and salad that I made from leftovers in the fridge. Nothing gourmet by any means, but they will be fed!

And just because no post is really great without a photo in it...here's a recent one from our summer photo shoot with Jenn!

A Day In My Life

I did a post like this last spring with what a very busy week of our life looked like and it's still one of my favorite posts of all time. You can read it HERE if you are curious. Another blogger friend of mine does these posts once in awhile on her blog and it always fascinates me what other people get up to during the day, whether they are stay at home moms as I am now, or working mothers as I was when I did the week post last year.

So I decided to do another post but this time just a day in my life instead of a whole week. This was a particularly busy day but I do have these kinds of days quite often! Between daily chores like feeding the kids and making dinner, I also had household chores to do like recycling and washing bottles. Throw in something at the school, a swap and shop pick up, treats at Timmy's and playing after school it did make for a very busy day!

7:00 - up for the day (this is a sleep in for me, I'm usually up sometime around 6:30 but I had stayed up late watching a trashy MTV show and then didn't sleep very good through the night!)

7:00-7:45 - Drink my morning tea, play some Cookie Jam, surf FB and IG (my morning routine)

7:45-8:00 - Make the boys breakfasts, James's lunch for school and Jordie's snack for preschool

8:00-8:15 - Make my bed, have a shower and get dressed

8:15 - Get Kennedy up and dressed for the day

8:35 - Kiss James and send him off to school (after gathering last minute pledges, signing his agenda and packing his backpack)

8:45 - Take Jordie to preschool

9:00 - Wash bottles, tidy up house

9:15 - Feed Kennedy her first bottle

9:30-10:15 - Infant Development lady came for an assessment of Kennedy because she isn't holding her neck up straight yet and we are slightly concerned about torticollis (James had it too).

10:15 - Put on dishwasher and pack Kennedy into the stroller. Isn't she just adorable in this outfit and all snuggled up in the awesome blanket that Jenn made her!

10:30 - Walk over to the school to help with cutting and putting out fruit trays for the Terry Fox Run!

She fell asleep just a few minutes after we got to the school

Warm up time!

Yup the pants are definitely too short....but the jacket fits him good. He's got these weird giraffe legs lately!

11:45 - Done at the school so we walked home from school and gather the recycling into the van.

12:15 - Pick up Jordie at Nana & Papa's house (Papa had picked him up from preschool for me)

Nana needed a quick little snuggle

12:30 -  Meet someone in the parking lot of Tim Horton's for Jordie to try on a hockey helmet, then we picked up some donuts as an after lunch treat.

12:35 - Me and Jordie did the recycling at the depot near Timmy's.

1:00 - Home to make lunch and give Kennedy her second bottle.

1:30-2:15 - Kennedy nap and quiet time for me and Jordie boy. I was so tired so I had a cup of tea and tried to get motivated to figure out something to cook for supper.

2:30 - It was a beautiful day so we went over to Westview to play on the playground and visit with friends...except in my visiting I forgot to go over near James's classroom door so he didn't see me and left to walk home...oops! I left Jordie at the school with Ash, threw K in her seat and quickly drove back home to pick up James...he was not happy with me!!

3:30 - Bang trim at the salon

4:00 - To Westview Optometry to get James's glasses adjusted

4:15 - Home to feed Kennedy again and have another tea (yes 3rd cup of the tea...so tired!)

5:15-6:00 - Kennedy napped while I made supper and filled up the bottles for the next day

6:15 - Jim home from work and we all ate supper (very gourmet KD and wienies....hahahahaha)

7:00 - The boys tried on their hockey equipment so we could figure out what they still needed for this year. Kennedy just hung out in her exersaucer while Jim and I both helped one boy out.

7:00 - I fed Kennedy another bottle and then while we were FaceTiming with Nana and Papa she pooped out of her diaper and got it on my chair, but luckily missed me!

7:30 - Daddy and Kennedy had a shower while I helped the boys out of their gear.

7:45 - Boys upstairs to have their showers. Jim helped them while I got Kennedy ready for bed, and attempted to take some cute pictures. She wouldn't smile for me so I had to call in my brother reinforcements to look over my phone at her to make her smile :)

8:15 - I brushed Jordie's teeth while Jim snuggled with and read to Kennedy and fed her her last bottle.

8:30 - I read with James while Jordie went to bed (he was super mean to James so didn't get to stay up with us).

8:45 - All the kids were finally in bed so I come downstairs and clean up the kitchen and dishes while Jim was finishing up with Kennedy.

9:00 - I finally sat down in my chair and started this blog, then I laid on the couch while Jim tickled my feet and I proceeded to fall asleep.

A long and busy day...and I loved it! I just wish I could sleep better or wake up feeling more well rested. I think more exercise would make me feel better, but finding the time is proving to be difficult to me (oh and the motivation too!)