And some days I feel like the craziness of my life has rocked me completely.
Some days I talk peacefully to them all day and they actually listen to me.
And some days I shout more than I should and they seem to tune me out even more.
Some days I put my phone down and engage with them like I know I should.
And some days I play way more Cookie Jam than I should.
Some days I clean up the mess they make when they make it.
And some days it gets left until I have more energy.
Some days I have tons of patience and can feel myself completely connected to them.
And some days they drive me completely bat shit crazy and I just want to hide in my bed.
Some days I am lonely when they go to bed at night.
And some days I am counting down to bedtime from 3 pm on.
Some days I take them out to the park and do stuff with them.
And some days they stay inside and play Wii or watch TV and movies all day long.
Some days I keep my house tidy and neat.
And some days it looks like a bomb went off in it.
Some days I have the energy and patience to take on this life that I've created for myself.
And some days I am completely overwhelmed by it.
There really isn't a point to this post other than to let others know that we all have these feelings of just not being enough some days. I post a lot of happy stuff on my FB and my IG but that doesn't mean that that is how my life is all of the time. It is hard, and messy, and just shitty sometimes. A lot of the time I feel that I am doing really well as a mother, but some times I feel like a complete failure at it.
I make sure that no matter what the day has looked like and whether they have been wonderful or terrible that I ALWAYS put them to bed and tell them how much I love them. Even when I don't like them, they KNOW that I will ALWAYS love them. Even when they are acting like the biggest shit heads, I always remember the reasons why I love them far more. I make a point every single day of telling them numerous times that I love them, and often the reasons why I do. I love when people tell me why they love me and I want to foster that love and feelings of joy for them as well. I never want them to wonder why or how much they are loved.
My kids are good kids and I am so proud of them and of us for getting them to this point already. They are respectful and usually very well mannered. I can usually trust to take them places without them acting out too horribly and sometimes when they do act out I can keep my cool and discipline them fairly and appropriately. Sometimes I spank when I feel like I need to, and sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. I'm not even close to a perfect parent, but damn do I try hard to be consistent and fair with them.
I love my children so much it seriously makes my heart hurt sometimes. And even though I love them that much, I do also get overwhelmed by the responsibility of caring for all 3 of them, both physically and emotionally. I feel a huge responsibility to raise my children to be polite, caring, helpful, contributing members of society who do not feel that the world owes them anything. I want them to learn how to work hard, try hard and get back up every single time this big mean nasty world knocks them down.
So, last night was Eggos for dinner (which they were fine with) but tonight is some pizza and salad that I made from leftovers in the fridge. Nothing gourmet by any means, but they will be fed!
And just because no post is really great without a photo in it...here's a recent one from our summer photo shoot with Jenn!
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