What being a Mom means to me

Ever since Mother's Day last weekend I've been thinking a lot about this and have been wanting to write this post since then but with the ridiculously busy week we had with evening activities every single night I just wasn't able to get it done. So here goes...

If you had asked me this morning at 5:45am what I thought about being a Mommy I would have said it sucked...BAD! I was tired and frustrated that after another rough night that James was still up way earlier than he should have been. By 10:45am  James and I were both ready for a nap and thankfully the rest of the day after he got up at 1:30 was a lot better.

After we woke up we went to the track so I could get my walk done and he could have some time outdoors to burn off some energy. He is teething very bad and is irritable, cranky and not feeling good with the start of a cold but we do try to get him outside at least a little bit each day and it is helpful for everyone's state of mind!!

As I was walking around the track and watching him and his Daddy play on the grass I broke into the biggest smile ever. I am so proud of the little boy that I am raising and so proud of the Mommy that I am turning into.

I knew for my whole life that I wanted to be a Mom as I have a pretty wonderful Mom myself. She has always been there for my brothers and I and we always know she has our backs. She was by no means perfect but she was strict and taught us right from wrong. She gave us enough responsibility to let us learn how to take care of ourselves and always made us accountable for our errors in judgement but was there with hugs, kisses, and a swift kick in the ass when needed. To this day she tells us what she thinks whether we want to hear it or not but listens respectfully when our opinions differ. I look to her for guidance on many parenting issues but do not necessarily always feel that she is right, and I know that she is okay with that. I do however respect her opinion as she did raise 3 pretty great kids. We've discussed many things and although we don't always see eye to eye I know she respects me as my son's mother and does what she can to support that relationship.

Mom and me when I was 7 or 8

Mom and me on her wedding day to my wonderful step-dad. Truly one of the happiest days of my life.

In DISNEYLAND!

Bottling wine for our wedding

When Jim and I decided it was time to become parents I was scared that even though I had a wonderful upbringing that I wouldn't know what to do to take care of my baby and wouldn't know how to raise him to be respectful, loving, friendly and happy. I had heard so many wonderful things about this amazing bond that is formed from the moment your child is born and so hoped to have that feeling when my baby was born. When I was about 36 or 37 weeks pregnant I got together with one of my most cherished second mothers and we discussed what that feeling was like and she said to me that not all mothers feel that way and it is okay to not have that rush of emotions you hear so much about.

This is the first time I held James and introduced
him to my Mom

On the day of James's birth I was so excited to meet our baby and knew I was ready and happy to become a Mommy but of course I was scared too. He was born by c-section after a day of waiting with no progression and feeling nothing (wonderful epidural!). I would love to say that my second mother was wrong, but when I held my son I knew I loved him but he felt like a total stranger to me and I didn't know what I was supposed to feel. It took a few days of bonding and getting to know each other before I felt that absolute joy and sense of love for him and I know that's normal and okay, but I'm certainly glad someone mentioned it to me!

 Some getting to know each other photos

Now that he's over 2 years old and I feel like I know him better than anyone else in this world I can honestly say that I love that kid with every single fiber of my being! He is my entire world and I can't imagine loving another one like I love him, but know it happens because I'm pretty sure my mom loves me best and I'm her 3rd kid...just don't tell my brothers!!  ;)

My first 3 Mother's Day photos with my son

Over the past 2 years I have learned a lot about the kind of parent I want to be and the things I want my kid(s) to remember about me. I want them to remember me reading to them, singing with them, being silly and most importantly teaching them how to survive in the world without me. I don't mean if god forbid I die but for the day I let them out in the world to start their adult lives. The day my parents left me in Nanaimo to start college was a scary but exciting day because I knew I was ready. I knew they had taught me well and I knew I could had the basic survival skills needed...cooking, cleaning, laundry, paying bills, money management (I wasn't great at this for quite a few years though) etc.

I want my kids to always know that I love them but that some of their actions I don't like. My mom always told me she loved me but sometimes told me that she really didn't like me and the things I was doing or saying. I would say my teenage years was when I mainly heard that the most. God teenage girls kind of suck with their hormones!

I want to be the parent that loves and respects their child's opinions and always listens when they want or need to tell me something and will try to do so with the respect that conversation deserves. I always felt this from my Mom no matter whether she was going to like what I had to say or not.

Most of all I've learned as a parent that some days really suck but they are far outweighed by the most wonderful days of my entire life. There is so much love, joy, laughter, silliness and fun in our lives now that we have James and the amazing bond that Jim and I have as parents is one that I feel can and will withstand anything that comes our way.

Me and my Jimmy, 9 years together and
happier than we've ever been

Just a few pictures of the joy and love of our lives
from the past week.

In the whole scheme of our lives I know we've really just begun on the journey of parenthood. I look forward to having more babies down the road and hope that I never forget to cherish every stage of my kids lives as it really does go by way too fast.

I know that parenting is a forever thing as my mom says she still feels like she's parenting and her kids are all in their 30's and I can tell you that I wouldn't want it any other way!!