What being a Mom means to me

Ever since Mother's Day last weekend I've been thinking a lot about this and have been wanting to write this post since then but with the ridiculously busy week we had with evening activities every single night I just wasn't able to get it done. So here goes...

If you had asked me this morning at 5:45am what I thought about being a Mommy I would have said it sucked...BAD! I was tired and frustrated that after another rough night that James was still up way earlier than he should have been. By 10:45am  James and I were both ready for a nap and thankfully the rest of the day after he got up at 1:30 was a lot better.

After we woke up we went to the track so I could get my walk done and he could have some time outdoors to burn off some energy. He is teething very bad and is irritable, cranky and not feeling good with the start of a cold but we do try to get him outside at least a little bit each day and it is helpful for everyone's state of mind!!

As I was walking around the track and watching him and his Daddy play on the grass I broke into the biggest smile ever. I am so proud of the little boy that I am raising and so proud of the Mommy that I am turning into.

I knew for my whole life that I wanted to be a Mom as I have a pretty wonderful Mom myself. She has always been there for my brothers and I and we always know she has our backs. She was by no means perfect but she was strict and taught us right from wrong. She gave us enough responsibility to let us learn how to take care of ourselves and always made us accountable for our errors in judgement but was there with hugs, kisses, and a swift kick in the ass when needed. To this day she tells us what she thinks whether we want to hear it or not but listens respectfully when our opinions differ. I look to her for guidance on many parenting issues but do not necessarily always feel that she is right, and I know that she is okay with that. I do however respect her opinion as she did raise 3 pretty great kids. We've discussed many things and although we don't always see eye to eye I know she respects me as my son's mother and does what she can to support that relationship.

Mom and me when I was 7 or 8

Mom and me on her wedding day to my wonderful step-dad. Truly one of the happiest days of my life.

In DISNEYLAND!

Bottling wine for our wedding

When Jim and I decided it was time to become parents I was scared that even though I had a wonderful upbringing that I wouldn't know what to do to take care of my baby and wouldn't know how to raise him to be respectful, loving, friendly and happy. I had heard so many wonderful things about this amazing bond that is formed from the moment your child is born and so hoped to have that feeling when my baby was born. When I was about 36 or 37 weeks pregnant I got together with one of my most cherished second mothers and we discussed what that feeling was like and she said to me that not all mothers feel that way and it is okay to not have that rush of emotions you hear so much about.

This is the first time I held James and introduced
him to my Mom

On the day of James's birth I was so excited to meet our baby and knew I was ready and happy to become a Mommy but of course I was scared too. He was born by c-section after a day of waiting with no progression and feeling nothing (wonderful epidural!). I would love to say that my second mother was wrong, but when I held my son I knew I loved him but he felt like a total stranger to me and I didn't know what I was supposed to feel. It took a few days of bonding and getting to know each other before I felt that absolute joy and sense of love for him and I know that's normal and okay, but I'm certainly glad someone mentioned it to me!

 Some getting to know each other photos

Now that he's over 2 years old and I feel like I know him better than anyone else in this world I can honestly say that I love that kid with every single fiber of my being! He is my entire world and I can't imagine loving another one like I love him, but know it happens because I'm pretty sure my mom loves me best and I'm her 3rd kid...just don't tell my brothers!!  ;)

My first 3 Mother's Day photos with my son

Over the past 2 years I have learned a lot about the kind of parent I want to be and the things I want my kid(s) to remember about me. I want them to remember me reading to them, singing with them, being silly and most importantly teaching them how to survive in the world without me. I don't mean if god forbid I die but for the day I let them out in the world to start their adult lives. The day my parents left me in Nanaimo to start college was a scary but exciting day because I knew I was ready. I knew they had taught me well and I knew I could had the basic survival skills needed...cooking, cleaning, laundry, paying bills, money management (I wasn't great at this for quite a few years though) etc.

I want my kids to always know that I love them but that some of their actions I don't like. My mom always told me she loved me but sometimes told me that she really didn't like me and the things I was doing or saying. I would say my teenage years was when I mainly heard that the most. God teenage girls kind of suck with their hormones!

I want to be the parent that loves and respects their child's opinions and always listens when they want or need to tell me something and will try to do so with the respect that conversation deserves. I always felt this from my Mom no matter whether she was going to like what I had to say or not.

Most of all I've learned as a parent that some days really suck but they are far outweighed by the most wonderful days of my entire life. There is so much love, joy, laughter, silliness and fun in our lives now that we have James and the amazing bond that Jim and I have as parents is one that I feel can and will withstand anything that comes our way.

Me and my Jimmy, 9 years together and
happier than we've ever been

Just a few pictures of the joy and love of our lives
from the past week.

In the whole scheme of our lives I know we've really just begun on the journey of parenthood. I look forward to having more babies down the road and hope that I never forget to cherish every stage of my kids lives as it really does go by way too fast.

I know that parenting is a forever thing as my mom says she still feels like she's parenting and her kids are all in their 30's and I can tell you that I wouldn't want it any other way!!

Finally...the big boy room reveal!

So, now it's time to reveal the BIG BOY ROOM! Let me take you on a journey through the creation of James's brand new blue and white big kid room.

When we first moved into our townhouse we had no idea how we were going to fill up 5 bedrooms so used this room originally as a TV room and the room that is now the nursery was our den. When James came along we moved the den into this room and the TV room down to the basement. The desk in the photos below was my parents so we moved it out and moved the cedar hope chest down into our basement for now. It's a beautiful piece of furniture that I can't bring myself to get rid of even though it doesn't really serve much purpose.

Before Photos

Furniture Painting Time!

This was a huge endeavour for us. The furniture we bought was mostly melamine (except for the dresser) and so it had to be sanded, then majorly primed, then 2-3 coats of dark blue paint. We spent almost our whole weekend working on this furniture but I'm so glad with how it turned out!

Had to move the furniture inside on Saturday night and do the painting in there because we were worried it was going to rain overnight.

He is such a little boy! Climbing up the ladder while Daddy is getting stuff taped in preparation to start the BIG paint job!

Dancing boy...really all he does is stomp his feet and make this cute little face 

but he thinks he's dancing.

He's bored with waiting so decided to watch some cartoons and snuggle 

with Coal on Mommy and Daddy's bed.

It's time for James to help now! He doesn't like getting dirty so this is him crying because he's got paint on himself.

Then he realized how much fun he could have and he was definitely into it!

James went for his nap so now it was Mommy and Daddy's turn to keep the painting going. I HATE painting, and especially closets but really didn't want Jim to do it all himself so I helped out for a few minutes. Oh yeah and I'm not a very good painter either so Jim prefers if I just stay away  :o)

The awesome blue wall is starting to look very bright! I think the blue tarp on the floor isn't helping but I will admit I was a little bit afraid at this point!

Hahahahaha....Jim matches the walls! 

The starting of the painting of the white wall. We were told we didn't need to prime this wall because it was dusty green. I wish we had though because it took 3 full coats to cover it!

Here's the beginnings of putting it all together to look like a little boy's room!

Side note about the Alfie...my dad who insists on calling James by Alfie bought that name set and it sat on a shelf in his room and he never once noticed it. I wondered whether by putting it so prominently on the headboard that I was accepting the name, but I'm not, I just think it looks cute up there with Freedo.

Don't you know last night during his first time seeing it don't you know he jumped up on the the bed and started spelling out his name and saying "falfie". Oh dear! 

A wonderful Daddy after working a 10 hour day and playing a baseball game still came home and put up the curtains so this Mommy could get the room done!

Time for James and Mommy to make the bed! He was so happy to help me with it and as soon as it was done he ran out and grabbed Nana and Papa and brought them in to see it, exclaiming happily "big boy room and big boy bed" 

Cute family photo

He jumped right in and said night night and then told Nana to give him a kiss. If the side bedrails had been installed already we for sure would have put him to bed in there last night!

Snuggles with Nana

Spelling his name 

So, tonight was the big first night in the bed and just under an hour later and not a single peep out of him since I left the room. We talked about it all night, moved his letters over and read stories and sang his song.

Here are some pictures from tonight.

James is going to "help" Daddy put up his name letters. 

Although not the intention, they turned almost exactly the same as in the nursery!

Playing with his new lamp (which may not stay in if I can't trust him not to pull it off the shelf)

Reading his favorite animal book

Mommy gets to snuggle now in his big boy bed while we read our stories and sing our songs! 

 Aaaaww....he's so grown up now! How did he get so big that he is in a big bed?!

And just for fun, here's the video we took last night of him showing
Nana and Papa his new room.