I've learned a lot in those 20 days. Here's my list, it's scattered all over the place (which funny enough is how I feel like I live these days!)
(1) I actually kept both of the boys, and myself, alive for 20 full days and nights! There were days I wondered how we were gonna make it till bedtime but we did it! I will admit that I did survive though with a lot of help from my family. Without their support there is NO WAY I would have ever agreed to this new family situation for us, but I do feel that now that the first 20 day rotation is over, that we can make it through whatever challenges come out way. We got through me being sick and a trip to the ER, me and James both sick with colds, night class, a trip out of town and regular life stuff like cleaning, cooking and errands.
(2) Even if you think you don't have time to clean the kitchen, your kid will dump a whole blender full of red milkshake EVERYWHERE and you will find the time to clean it up because it of course hits EVERY single white cupboard in the kitchen.
(3) I can actually cook real dinners, including vegetables! I accomplished quite a few meals like honey mustard chicken, homemade chicken strips with mashed potatoes, french toast with apple slices, white bean soup, honey garlic pork, etc. We didn't eat out one single time in the whole 20 days and I hate grocery shopping so much that I ate out of our overstocked pantry! Only did two shopping trips in the 20 days he's been gone :o)
(4) I may not like to do it but I did it...I bathed my kids (or showered the big one) while Jim was away. To some moms out there this is just part of their routine, but for me it was something I rarely did! This was definitely a Daddy job around here for the past 3.5 years but I've managed to do it. My friend Kevin actually joked with me that when Jim got home he'd have to wash the "20 day stink" off the kids....but not true! I may even bath them tonight so they are super clean for Daddy!
(5) My parents have been god sends to me these past 3 weeks. From keeping the boys for me on the day Jim left so I could come home and cry and sleep off my sadness, to having them for 2 days when I was sick and had to go to the hospital, to watching them for my class and to my mom for joining me on our road trip. I absolutely couldn't have done this without them. My sister was a huge help too in agreeing to watch the boys for my night class to give my mom and dad a break.
(6) I have realized how much just having a long hot shower alone means to me. My friend Lisa came over one night for supper and helped me with all of the dinner/bedtime stuff and it was such a nice break in the middle of the craziness of the 20 days. She cleaned up dinner, got James ready for bed and brushed his teeth then best of all read him stories so I could have a quiet snuggle with Jordan. It was an amazing treat that night. And then the next day she came over in the morning and picked up James and took him to the park so I could have some time to study for my class. Such a relief that he got out and I got some peace and quiet. She is an amazing friend and has really been there for me these past few weeks.
(7) Having the financial ability to travel and see my brothers and nieces and nephews was amazing. I have said numerous times that having the extra money would be wonderful and would allow us to visit family more than we have been able to in the past. It had been over 3 years since I had been to my brothers house in Chilliwack and I was really glad that Mom and I were able to take the boys and they were able to meet Jordan.
Just one of the many photos from the weekend (another blog post coming with others)
(8) Being able to spend time doing something fun with just James is something I really need to do more often. When we were away in Chilliwack, Nana watched Jordy so we were able to go swimming with Teresa, Jacob and Olivia and we had so much fun! It was awesome too because Teresa has an underwater camera so we got some cute photos!
(9) I wish my brothers lived closer. Seeing James play with his cousins and seeing my brothers interact with my kids made me wish they lived in PR too. Uncle Chris was so excited to take James to see his ambulance and James loved it!
(10) Seeing my husband on FaceTime absolutely made this separation bearable. My mom asked me in the beginning whether I would want to talk to him every day or whether that would make it harder but I knew for me even just being able to see and talk to him for just a few minutes would make everything better. He was able to talk to James when he was being a butthead, tell us he loved us, and even read books to James too. It is a wonderful piece of technology when it works good! Some nights it wasn't great and other times the connection was really good and clear. Let's hope that when he moves to the camp in Kitimat that the connection will be better and not worse!
(11) I love my boys more than anything and even in the moments when I just wanted to kill James for not listening or acting out, I tried to take 10 breaths and give him a hug instead because I know he's going through stuff too with Daddy being away. It is not an easy life style for any of us, but he is adjusting as best as we can hope he would. I can admit that not every time I was able to take those breaths and he did certainly get his fair share of timeouts but he survived!
(12) I used to think that just making it till 5 pm when Daddy got home was all I had to do and would have reinforcements and back up for the next few hours till bedtime. One of the first days Jim was gone and James was really acting out I looked at the clock at 4:50 and teared up a little realizing that I still had to get through supper, bath and bedtime before I would finally get some downtime. It is a lot of work but I am happy at the end of the day at how I am making do on my own.
(13) I am so appreciative of all the household chores that Jim used to do around here because now that they are all on me I'm finding myself a lot busier than I used to be! Chores like cooking, bathing the kids, taking out the garbage, recycling, and scooping the kitty litter are all jobs that I never really did that often. I look forward to him being home and being able to help out, even if it's just a little bit here and there. My mom laughed when I said that I was 32 years old and had NEVER done recycling before. When Jim and I got together at 22 I had never recycled before that and ever since then he had done it for us. Spoiled and lucky girl I am!
(14) I need to find more patience with my boys and myself. I find myself being short with James sometimes out of frustration and tiredness. It's not fair to him and I try to make up for it by doing other things like quiet reading time, playing games or playdoh but I know it's something I have to work on. I find myself snapping at him and shouting when I don't mean to. I also try to tell him lots throughout the day when he is doing things that I do love and appreciate and acting like a good little boy. And I always give my boy big hugs and kisses good night as I always want him to go to bed knowing how much I love him, even if throughout the day he hasn't seen the best Mommy that he should have or deserved to see.
(15) I have started to let James share my bed with me since Jim has been gone. I have NEVER been a bed sharer with my kids so I'm finding it to be a love/hate thing for me. It's not every night and it's not usually for more than a few hours at a time. I usually kick him out after a few hours and make him go back to his bed. Wonder how it will go when he comes in tomorrow night and Daddy is in HIS spot in the bed? :o)
Taken the very first night Daddy was away!
Two little magic words song. Might be hard to understand the last part!
Who doesn't love a laughing baby video?
My fearless big kid jumping into the pool at swimming lessons
(17) I thought I would love crawling into my bed alone at night and snuggling under my comfy new blankets, but have found that I hate it! I am either too cold or too hot and can't seem to fall asleep unless I am absolutely exhausted which has resulted in many more late nights than usual. I used to go to bed by 10 every night now I find myself not going until closer to 11 or 12. Thankfully my boys are sleeping in these days until 7 or later which is nice. I think it's part of why I have let James crawl in with me too, because it's comforting to have someone next to me.
(18) I have realized that the sacrifice that my husband is making for our family is huge and that my boys deserve to have the best of me because he isn't here every day anymore. I try to put the phone down and computer away and stop and play with James when he asks me to. I'm gonna take a break from this post now as he asked to play Playdoh so off I go :o)
(19) Having a calendar to mark off special days and to put stickers up daily to keep track of Daddy's work days has been wonderful. I think I enjoy it more than James does though! I love seeing the days marked off with those stickers and as the Daddy comes home day approaches my excitement mounts and I can't wait to throw my arms around his neck tomorrow night at 5. It's been a tough 20 days for various reasons, but also some really important days for our family and Jim and I's relationship. We are learning how to navigate this new life, and even though we are half a province away and we only chat on FaceTime I still feel like we are doing it TOGETHER! I love my husband more now than I ever have and so appreciate the sacrifices he is making for our family to have a better life. Love you Jimmy!
The calendar a few days ago!
(20) Most importantly of all the things I've learned is to be proud of myself! I have taken on a lot of responsibility of being the sole caregiver for my boys and myself which if you know me you know that Jim has always taken care of me while I took care of the boys. I miss him like crazy but am also so frigging proud of myself for all that I am accomplishing while he is away. Not only do I have the boys to take care of, but I also have the strata's administrative work and attending and studying for my night bookkeeping class. It is a lot and I am really looking forward to the end of November when the course will be completed. Then we will have the craziness of Christmas and Jim will be home twice in December and will only really be working for 1 week in the whole month. It will be nice for sure to have some quality family time before he goes back to work in January. For now I am working on being a better single parent and I know with time we'll get into a routine and things will just seem like our new normal.
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