My favorite picture of Jim and Grandpa
Jim and I's favorite picture of Grandpa. It hangs on our living room wall along with the old man fisherman knitted picture we got from Doris after he died.
Celebrating Grandpa's Birthday the year after Jim and I got together
When Jim went away to work it was Grandpa I called at 6am to come and drive me to the ER when I was having a Crohn's attack. It was Grandpa who lent us his truck so we could go get groceries or have a date night. It was Grandpa who put himself through months of treatments in order to be at our wedding.
He had a fierce love for Jim and Tom and his other grandchildren but had a soft spot for Jim as his oldest grandchild. When things got tough when the boys were young Grandpa and Grandma Corey stepped in and took the boys for awhile and took care of them until their dad moved back to the island and they went to live with him. Through all of Jim's life Grandpa had just been there for him, and he was right up until he died. The year before our wedding Jim and I spent a quiet Christmas morning with Grandpa and Doris and have wonderful memories of that morning. It was my first Christmas day away from all of my family but being there with Grandpa and Doris was so much fun. The fact that we were able to celebrate his last Christmas with him means the world to both of us.
A few pictures from that Christmas
When Jim and I had only been together I think around a year or so Grandpa was diagnosed with cancer and at first we thought he wasn't going to take the treatment. And then we got engaged and planned our wedding for more than 18 months later. He knew he wanted to be there and he vowed to do what he had to be there, and that's exactly what he did. A few weeks before our wedding Jim called to check in with Grandpa and he had lost his voice due to the treatment and he wasn't sure if he would be able to do the sand ceremony reading as had been planned. We sadly started to make plans for someone else in the family to do it, but we both knew in our hearts that it wouldn't be the same if it wasn't him. Well, lucky for us a few days before the ceremony his voice returned and we were so proud and so happy to have him be a special part of our wedding day. He was tired of course but he was so so happy to be there and was proud to have made it to that day. He is a part of our wedding day that I truly cherish.
The beautiful Sand Ceremony that Grandpa did for us
We still have that folder that he made for us with our names on it!
And some of our favorite wedding pictures too
Less than a month after our wedding Jim was talking to Grandpa on the phone and he told him that he had decided to stop all treatments. That was in late August and Jim and I weren't surprised at all as he had made it clear that his goal was our wedding day and anything else after that was a bonus. We travelled to Nanaimo and stayed with Grandpa and Doris for Thanksgiving that year and less than a month later he was gone.
Jim's Uncle Russ called to tell us that he was entering palliative care and that he would call when it was time for us to come and say goodbye. When we got the call to go to Nanaimo a few days later we were both really sad to know it was almost the end. We walked into the hospital room and it seemed that maybe we were too late for him to know we were there. We went back to stay at their apartment that night just tired and so very sad. Doris called the next morning to say that the room was empty of other visitors and that he seemed to be more lucid than the day before. We rushed over there and for an hour or so we chatted with him and could tell he knew we were there. At one point he even grinned when Jim said something cheeky to him!
We sat with Doris all of that day as he drifted in and out of consciousness and wondered how we were going to say goodbye as we figured we'd have to leave before he passed away. We woke up two days later with heavy hearts knowing that today was the day that we had to say our goodbyes. Even writing about that day brings tears to my eyes and it was a moment that even though so incredibly sad made me fall even more in love with Jimmy than I already was.
In that last moment of saying goodbye to the man that he had admired and loved so much I saw Jim give Grandpa exactly what they both needed in that moment. Grandpa had always been one of Jim's strengths in his life and in that moment he was able to tell him exactly how he felt, which I know a lot of people can't say that they have been able to do. He told him he loved him, he thanked him for always being there, told him that we would always stay a part of Doris's life and we would look out for her, and that Grandma Corey was up there waiting for him. I truly don't know how he did it! When I tried to say goodbye I just gave him a hug and told him I loved him and then walked out of the room sobbing. I was amazed at Jim's strength and courage in knowing that he had to say goodbye and had to tell him those words that were so important to him. And I know to this day that he is proud of that moment.
I will never forget those final few days and the look on Jim's face when we walked out of that hospital room. My heart felt like it was breaking and it was the first time in my adult life that I had felt that much pain, both for myself and for the man that I loved. We arrived home on Monday evening, returned to work on Tuesday and in the early morning hours of Wednesday we got the call that Grandpa had died, just 1 day after we left. I'm okay that we weren't there at the very end, and I know that Jim is too.
Jim and I do still have a great relationship with Doris and never make a trip to Nanaimo without stopping to see her and Roger (her new partner). They both love the boys a ton and we think the absolute world of them both. They invite us into their home and feed us and let us take over their spare room for days at a time. Every time I think of our relationship with Doris I know that Grandpa is up there looking down at us and smiling because Jim is keeping his promise to him. We will continue to have a relationship with Doris because we adore her and we feel that even though Grandpa is gone that bond with her remains and always will be there. We have her in our lives because we love her, not because we feel we should. Most of Jim's other family members have lost touch with her over the past several years and that's sad to me. But we make it a priority in our life and in the lives of our boys because you can never go wrong with the love of an extra Grandma Doris and Grandpa Roger!
The point of this post was not to make people cry, although I've cried while writing it and I'm sure some will cry when reading it too. It's to say that I often watch Jim with our boys and just think to myself how damn proud his Grandpa would be if he was alive today. I know that he would have been thrilled at the births of his two great grandsons and would have been overjoyed watching Jim become the incredible father that he is today. He taught Jim how to love and how to show that love to others around him. He often told Jim he loved him and always gave him hugs when we saw him. When I think of James and Jordan growing up I wish that he could have seen them and the awesome little boys that they are today, and every day I wish that they could hug him, even just once.
Grandpa with Jim and Tom
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