Way Back Wednesday - All the way back to 2017

 I went back as far as I could on my Google photos to find these gems. 

Time is a thief - I'm just grateful that I have literally over 100,000 photos and videos of my kids childhoods. One day I'll do something with them...

2017 - baby Kennedy days

Time stands still

 This pretty lady was 23 and had her whole life ahead of her. In a happy relationship, about to finish school and start her new career. She was happy and hopeful and looked beautiful on this day. Had lots to learn and lots of growing up to do. A kind and loving woman who was trying to figure out who she was.

This pretty lady - more than 20 years later - now 44 and has had a great life. Very blessed with 3 amazing kids and a strong family support system. Had many happy years with the father of her kids and made so many memories doing fun things together. Has an amazing career she really enjoys all these years later. She is going through a tough time right now, but is determined to make the most of this next chapter of life and find true peace and happiness. 

I try to take photos with my kids on my birthday. Here are two I could find - this was 2020.

And this year - 5 years later.

Motivation Monday - My Reasons

Words to live by in this season of life.

Every day I get up and try my best. Some days I get lots done and I meet everyone's needs and demands, and on some days I just barely get through the day. People ask me almost every day how I'm doing and I always say, I'm surviving. 

I look forward to the day (hopefully in the near future) where I can say that we are all thriving. We aren't there yet, but I have hope that we will get there.

These 3 have my whole heart. One day I will write about each of them and how incredible they are. Those that know and love them are lucky. Every day I feel lucky to be their Mom. I realize I don't share nearly enough photos of them, so here they are.

Learning how to do the clock at hockey...and killing it! A job that many adults are afraid to do and this little lady sat down and was a rockstar at it.

Our bronze medal winning boy! Played an incredible home tournament with his 13C team. One more away tournament next week in Comox and then hopefully the Stars one in town at the end of March and then his season will be over. 

Our biggest guy with his D partner and buddy Carson at the hot dog sale yesterday. His smile just warms my Mama heart.

And one of all 3 just because - Super sweet moment captured yesterday! Teaching sister how to play baseball so she's ready when her season starts in a few weeks. Yes, for the first time ever, all 3 Barrows will be playing baseball so our evenings from April - June will be jam packed.

 

Happy Family Day everyone

Our Family Day wasn't like other's we've had in the past. We had no hockey tournament to be at and no games to watch. We had nothing on our schedule which for us is super rare. We had a slow morning, then we all headed out for a nice beach walk in the sunshine. We ordered in take-out for dinner and then finished the evening with some board games and early bedtimes in preparation for the busy week ahead. 

It was a bit an odd and hard day, but we are really trying to still spend some time as a family and it was nice. It's not always easy, but we are trying. 

Our reasons for trying

More than 6 years later I'm finding myself again

I wrote a very powerful blog post in August 2018. It was all about how hard I had found the transition from 2-3 kids and how in the year after Kennedy was born how truly lost I felt. It was called Somewhere along the way I've lost myself.

When I go back and read that post now, I am filled with so many what if's. What if I hadn't ever found peace again? What if I'd left my marriage back then? What if I'd struggled even harder in the years that followed?

But in the end I'm choosing to focus on what I have done in the years since I wrote that post. In the years that followed I grew so much and changed so much of who I was. I got stronger emotionally and physically. I found myself drifting away from friendships that didn't feed my soul anymore. I started putting myself first more often. I started walking nearly every single day. I hiked with my family whenever we got a spare afternoon together. I saw things I never thought I'd see of our back country. 

I started falling in love with who I was, once I stopped  being only a wife and a mom. I realized I was so much more than Jim's wife and James/Jordie/Kennedy's mom. I was me and I was pretty great. 

Some of Jim and I's best years were between 2019 and 2022. We truly found a new lease on our relationship and we had lots of fun and laughter and amazing shared memories with our kids. We camped, we watched a lot of hockey, we played lots of crib. We renovated our townhouse at the end of 2018, then sold the townhouse and bought my parents home in mid 2021. I had a renewed hope of a forever future.

Then 2023/2024 hit and things started to look and feel different. Our kids were all in school full time, I was very busy working 3 jobs that I enjoyed and was volunteering a lot with PRMHA, all with Jim's support along the way. Our kids were very busy in sports and school and we just somewhere along the way lost our path together. We continued to grow in different directions and seemingly saw our futures differently.

When I saw the end of my marriage coming in the fall of 2024, I knew that 2025 was going to be the hardest year of my whole life, and I am ready to tackle it head on to get to the great part that lies ahead for all of us. 

But even in saying that, this past week hit and I felt a ton of stress and pressure and knew burnout was upon me. I desperately needed a break. I needed quiet and peace and sleep. I needed to just be me for a few days. To not have to talk to anyone. To eat when and what I wanted. To sleep in with no one waking me up. To watch what I wanted. I just really needed space and time alone. So, I took it. 

I rented a beautiful Airbnb in Parksville and I went from Friday at 8am until 3:30 on Sunday. Came back just in time to work my shift tonight. 

When I say I came back refreshed, I mean it. So much time spent reflecting on my past and thinking about my future. I walked on the beach, sat at Starbucks, relaxed in the bathtub, watched a new season of a Netflix show I loved, ate what I wanted, slept a lot and just generally enjoyed rediscovering who I am. I truly feel like I'm on this new path of self discovery to finding myself again, and I really like who I'm seeing in the mirror. 

Today on the beach I snapped this photo and although I don't love it, I do love the smile and how truly happy and content I felt when I took it.

Here are more photos from my incredible weekend!

Mamas - or really anyone - if you feel burned out...do something for yourself. Even if it feels selfish and you feel guilty. Just do it. I feel like this weekend was life changing for me and I am so glad I went. 

More 2024 Family Photos

 Here are the rest of the photos that I didn't share in yesterday's post. It was December 22nd and the weather leading up to was not looking great, but we decided to go for it, rain or shine. And let me tell you, it frigging POURED rain for some of these photos. And we just went with it. They aren't my favorite photos by any means, for more reasons than just the weather, but they are memories none the less and so I'll post them to share them so I always have them.