One of the hardest days and decisions of my life

You might have seen on my Facebook that we were taking our cat to the vet yesterday. Up until last month Coal had been eating normally and as far as we could tell was still his big happy lazy self at around 18 lbs. Now maybe it's because I was busy with the baby and life but I didn't notice that he had been losing weight over the past few months until the last few weeks I noticed that he wasn't eating or drinking much. We put him on the scale the other day and realized he was only about 12-13 lbs so called the vet and off we went.

Coal has always been an indoor cat in the 9 years we've had him and isn't a huge fan of many people except for me. He has been my loyal and loving companion and I have loved him from the day I brought him home to live with us when he was just 5 years old. We adopted him from my brother and he bonded with me from the very first day we had him. I fell in love with him and dreaded the day that we were told he was dying.

Well that day came yesterday. The vet said he is in kidney failure and sadly will not be around for long. We had the option to leave him at the vet for 2 days of IV fluids that may give him a few more months, or I could do IV "dialysis" at home (like I have time for that with two little ones at home with me!), or weekly visits to the vet to rehydrate him. Unfortunately Jim and I had spoken before the appointment and I know in my heart that as much as my heart is breaking that my kitty is dying, I can't bring myself to spend money to just keep him alive and prolong the inevitable.

We brought him home to live out the rest of his comfortable days with me snuggling him as much as I possibly can. As long as he continues to eat and drink and seems okay then I will keep him, but I strongly suspect that sooner rather than later I will make that dreaded drive to the vets office for the last time because I can't fathom watching him slowly deteriorate more than he already has. I am absolutely dreading telling James that his best buddy is sick but I am thankful that he's young enough that it won't phase him for long. I think I'm finding it especially hard right now because without Jim home I have found Coal to be even more comforting.

This is just one of those adult responsibility things that is just really shitty. I knew this day was coming with Coal being 14 years old and all but it is not something I want to deal with again for a long time. There will definitely not be more pets in our home for a long time, if ever. Maybe once our kids are older and we are in our own home with a yard we'll get a dog, but certainly never another cat. I've never even really liked cats, I only love MY cat and I will miss him terribly.

A favourite photo of me and Coal